Digit Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 a few months back, it started to dawn on me, that i have post traumatic stress disorder. this was once again exemplified to me moments ago.... there was a phonecall, and then, BAM BAM BAM BAM... the "policeman's knock". scared the crap outta me. over 5 years ago since the police bust down my door. and still i jump when i hear mum banging on the window to get dad to come in to answer the phone. ow. legs still shakey. ok, so it wasnt the rozzers this time, but i'm still traumatised by it. such forms of terrorism and tyranny should be outlawed and punished. i was just growing cannabis back then to help with all my various stress related illnesses... n in came barreling a troop of the boys in flak jackets to turn my life upside down. how about this, in the "war on terror", we regulate, rather than prohibit, the herb, thus taking out a so called source of funding for terrorists. oh thats right, that's why not, because it's not actually a war on terror, it's a war of terror. looking up the original definition of terrorism, political coersion by fear and threat of violence, then we see that that is exactly what the war on drugs is all about. "dont do those drugs, or we'll storm your house wearing body armor". i say they are in dishonour, and i am owed compensation for having 5 years of the worst crippling anxiety i've ever experienced. excuse me while i exclaim, in all rightful righteous indignation: fucking bastards! ... of course though, since i am so wracked and crippled by anxiety these days (especially since i have no herb to help) i'm unlikely to take the matter to court.. that's the "criminal justice system" for ya. >:| utterly criminal. man, i hate having been turned into a timid hyper-sensitive coward, ready to have another panic attack at the next loud noise. a man's home is his castle, but it shouldn't need be his fortress. ... oh to move somewhere i wont feel the threat of persecution for my choice of dietary supplement, so i may begin cultivating it again. or even, to have that place(s) grow and expand to encompass here too! and everywhere! so no-where need ever be burdened by such backwards thinking (or lack of thinking), and ignorant automaton stormtroopers blindly "just doing my job" and "just following orders", where everyone is free to live their good life, no hastles, in peace, tranquility and serenity. legs have just about stopped being wobbly, breathing starting to get back to normal... ahhh, writing this helped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramblingmadman Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 maybe think about a gg mate , takes a ot of the worry away - and when you do get a bit pranged when out and about it all adds to the buzz i reckon . And if the pants are found you only lose them , not your liberty. Keep ya chin up bruv . The old adage fuck em , then fuck em some more may be worth bearing in mind . (Also think about why your door came in last time and make sure you dont make the same mistake(s) agai - dont tell anyfukker) peace, and relaxation wished to you man ram Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beanpopper Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Hey Digi, hope things are mellowing for you . I had PTS after seeing a guy killed fighting.It wrecked me the whole thing shell shocked me bigtime,The morning after i went out and bought a massive knife that i carried everywhere ( stupid i know) it did come in handy as i was doing alot of 'camping' at the time . I was afriad of everyone ,everywhere and i couldnt hide from it, the futillity of life had really been shown to me. I had to sit myself down and decide what was the fear 'of' and was it valid, ie was it somthing worth fearing or was it somthing like the weather (out of my control),( by valid i mean is it a fear that helps me or hinders me).I did it on my own, spent a while putting my whole life in to perspective.Im very luky to have such a philosophical outlook which im sure has helped me get through alot . What im trying to say is, it wont be like this for ever.Im not saying do things my way,at all ,just that there are things that you can do, but you have to take that first step,it might be hard but it will be worth it. Have you ever thought about going to your Gp and asking them to put you intouch with a therapist or counciler ? It might help. Also id go with an outdoor grow too . 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hybrid976 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 hey bro, im sorry for you .i know how it feels to get busted . :!: if you cant smoke anymore and if you have anxiety try some antidepressivas .there are really mild ads on market :i took trimipramin .it doesnt make you addict and its a good choice. peace and all the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ratdog Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 maybe think about a gg mate That`s the first thing that came to mind here too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lolz Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) Sorry to hear about that Digit, I don't know you so don't know what experiences you have had other than the bust-if any-which might contribute to your anxiety, I had a period last year of major anxiety while Marstons Bailliffs were harassing me for £600, one thing that really helped, not in a religious way necassarily, but in helping me move beyond the feeling of persecution and threat, was reading the Bhagvat Gita you can get a copy online, everything is temporary.. BG 2.14: O son of Kuntī, the nonpermanent appearance of happiness and distress, and their disappearance in due course, are like the appearance and disappearance of winter and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, O scion of Bharata, and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed. Edited March 23, 2011 by Cambium Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
n00b Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) =Digit= Just relax man i can only say one thing fuck em cause thats as much as i care about them at the moment fuck them some more think about the times we have been dry bum fucked from out very own government then to find out they come up with some more stupid shit i just ain't bothered and i only grow very small a couple plants a time so what they going to do ? hang me . I try to enjoy it as a hobby and use weed for pain relief so why should i not be able to medicate our self's ah yes cause the government want you to use there drugs and not your own i would swap all my meds morphine trammadol and diazpam for weed any day and i bet i get less side effects and can at-least relax fuck them enjoy growing. In the uk they sacked there own drugs advisor for telling the truth so who am i going to listen to a scientist or some ass clown's government not much of a choice good luck m8 don't let them use scare tactics on you. OMFG i feel sory for my kids being brought up in this government we have today it's just plain and utter bull shit.And it aint getting any better they give in one hand and take out the other then also rummage your pockets for any left overs just scum. Edited March 23, 2011 by Cambium Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camino Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Hi Digit, Sorry to hear of your troubles, just know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I suffered badly with PTSD for many years after my time in the forces and know how debilitating it can be. My advice to you is to seek counselling which can be arranged by your GP, it helped me immensely. All the best CP Kid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flipper Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Your feelings are telling you the truth ! I get similar effects when i am abused by control freaks. I have experienced many sociopathic and psychopathic mentalities and they have a violent psychological impact on more caring empathic people. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/psychopath.htm I recommend you do take this back to the police who did it to you and complain. don't let up or let the dominator oppressor mentality to over power you. Psychopaths ( and the world is full of them ) usually break down and start lying very quickly under careful critical questioning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALanoia Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 The book 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle has helped me to deal with anxiety. Maybe it can help you. Here is an excerpt The psychological condition of fear is divorced from from any concrete and true immediate danger. It comes in many forms: unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, phobia, and so on. This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now. You are in the here and now, while your mind is in the future. This creates an anxiety gap. And if you are identified with your mind and have lost touch with the power and simplicity of the Now, that anxiety gap will be your constant companion. You can always cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection - you cannot cope with the future....As long as you are identified with your mind, the ego runs your life... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flipper Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I would suggest to stay away from Eckhart Tolle and all other spiritual authorities. Your own natural empathy is to be relied on. I found the true way out of the nightmare of PTSD and psychological trauma is by careful inner investigation. Recognise that these people are everywhere, it is simply that they are conditioned to think like that. release the trauma. They aren't to blame as individuals. we all have issues, and in effect, we all are wounded survivors. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharks breath Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 maybe think about a gg mate That`s the first thing that came to mind here too What is meant by "GG" please? Thanks in advance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nu Jerzey Devil Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) a few months back, it started to dawn on me, that i have post traumatic stress disorder. this was once again exemplified to me moments ago.... there was a phonecall, and then, BAM BAM BAM BAM... the "policeman's knock". scared the crap outta me. over 5 years ago since the police bust down my door. and still i jump when i hear mum banging on the window to get dad to come in to answer the phone. ow. legs still shakey. ok, so it wasnt the rozzers this time, but i'm still traumatised by it. such forms of terrorism and tyranny should be outlawed and punished. i was just growing cannabis back then to help with all my various stress related illnesses... n in came barreling a troop of the boys in flak jackets to turn my life upside down. man, i hate having been turned into a timid hyper-sensitive coward, ready to have another panic attack at the next loud noise. a man's home is his castle, but it shouldn't need be his fortress. ... oh to move somewhere i wont feel the threat of persecution for my choice of dietary supplement, so i may begin cultivating it again. or even, to have that place(s) grow and expand to encompass here too! and everywhere! so no-where need ever be burdened by such backwards thinking (or lack of thinking), and ignorant automaton stormtroopers blindly "just doing my job" and "just following orders", where everyone is free to live their good life, no hastles, in peace, tranquility and serenity. legs have just about stopped being wobbly, breathing starting to get back to normal... ahhh, writing this helped. Been about that long since the Plain Clothes Mobb Came into my Home also. I think I suffer from the same but, I seem to have more of a controll over my reactions to things than you sound as if you do. I was in my flat with a friend who had stayed over night, I woke up to hearing someone at the door, My friend looked in my room and I said " its cool, it will just be my Partner. So he went to let her in by taking the chain off. to find the cops were opening the door with my Partner's key and using a set of Bolt Cutters on the Chain on the Front door I was still lying in my bed After it I didnt feel if any justice had been served on me, I just Felt like I had Been ROBBED good and Proper So I know what you mean and how you feel when you get those loud knocks at the door. I find it really bad first thing in the Morning, everytime someone wakes me up. I think I am being busted and thats 5 years on. Sometimes when a family member wakes me up it takes me best part of an hour to come back to reality Edited March 24, 2011 by Nu Jerzey Devil 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camino Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 maybe think about a gg mate That`s the first thing that came to mind here too What is meant by "GG" please? Thanks in advance Guerrilla Grow(outdoor) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-=DrGreenThumb=- Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I'm someone who finds shit hard to let go of, for me it's to do with the opressive laws and the way they are enforced. That said I will never let them stop me growing a plant, if they are then I see them as winning. They've scared you into submission, your being oppresed, your unhappy. We must all always fight opression and strive to do what's morally right. Fucking get that crop started now, fuck them man! Shape up mate, you need to rid your self of that defeatist attidue and take control of your life. You've been through hard times but don't let them keep you down man, pick your self up and dust your self off. They just get you into that perpetual state of fear, you have to worm your way out of it and stop focusing all that energy into them, it'll do you no good. Your feeding it mate. You can't fight the feelings but let them pass over you, realise that they are just a scar on your emotional state due to trauma and that you can move on and heal, rebuild your defences if you will. Honestly the more you don't do what you feel is right in your heart the worse you'll feel. You need to follow your heart and stand up for your right to life, liberty and freedom. Exercise that freedom of expression and that choice to consume into your body what ever you desire. Don't let them make you feel guilty or afraid, they are just lost soles enforcing unjust laws of a over bearing goverment. You need to fight the power of oppression by flouting there unjust laws. Don't forget everytime you don't get "the knock" you feel like you've had one up on them and now your the one winning, in mind, in body and in spirit Mate, they only win when you give up!!! Don't ever give up!!! If lifes that bad fuck this country off mate and go the dam and cultervate 5 plants stress free. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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