Excuses Excuses

[Xantrix]

Remember the days way back when you first started smoking? A joint in your 15 minute break before art, every bong was home made. Well this is a story from that era.

As I said every bong was home made, normaly a bit of plastic downpipe into a coke bottle with some tin foil with pin pricks in as a make shit gauze/bowl. Anyway me and my m8 Russ were feeling a bit adventurous 1 day and wanted to make something a bit special. Our plan was this a big bong that 4 people could smoke off. Our materials consisted of a hose pipe a long metal pipe some bathroom sealent and a glass demi john. What we planned on doing was putting the metal tube down the neck of the demi john and fixing it in place with bathroom sealent then making 4 holes through the glass for a lenght of hose to be held in place with more sealent. The main down pipe was easy enough but making a hole in the thick 1-2cm glass wasn't as easy as we'd anticipated.

We tried chipping it with a dart for about an hour and hardly managed to make a scratch. This boy was gonna require the big guns. So out I pulled my dads black and decker and a small drill bit and started drilling at the bugger, it was working, I was making a hole. Glass dust was a flyin and I was a drillin but the going was slow so I turned the drill to hammer mode and started attacking it again. Slightly quicker but not much so instead of going all the way through with the 1 drill we switched straight to a big bit, this managed to make a pretty big dent in the thing but teenagers aren't exactly known for the patience so out comes the lump hammer and coal chissel. By this time we were a bit pissed off and weren't to bothered if we smashed the boy anyway so I go ahead and.....CRACK.....I give it a damn good belt and the thing cracks 1 more smak and there's my hole, its a bit big but its there and we can patch it up so in goes the hose and the sealent. Now by this point we're not really up for 4 holes 2 will have to do, so we start on the next hole with the same process. Finaly its time for the chissel and I rev myself up for giving it a good whack and........BANG......the things cracked again but not like last time this time its cracked aroung in a circle instead of spreading out from where I hit it but it looks ok, it looks like its going to break in a nice circle that we can patch up so.....BANSMASH.....SHIT SHIT SHIT..... half the bloody bottles fallen away. Well thats that fucked. So me and Russ roll a joint and have a smoke, by this point we were fed up with the thing and couldn't be bothered with disposing of it in a sensible way (chucking it in a public bin somewhere before my parrents came home from work) so we hid it 'round the back of my shed in a black plastic bag to get rid of later. Well my m8 went home and we said we'd meet up latter and my parrents came back from work.

I went out and met my m8's as planed, joints were smoked and bongs toked until it was time for something to eat so I trundle off home. What I found there was a little unexpected to say the least. My parrents had found our hash up of a bong and were a little curious as to exactly what it was. They were very suspicious. My mum asked me what it was a little to stearnly. Now I had to think on my feat, I was in shock, why did my dad have to decide to clear out behind the sheds that bloody day. So I just came out with the first thing that came to mind "Its a ping pong ball launcher me and Russell were trying to make you were supposed to put a car foot pump onto that hose and then wedge the ping pong ball in that metal pipe and pump it up untill it fired"

"and why have you tried to hide it"

"I didn't think dad would have wanted me to use his tools"

then dad says "well I wouldn't have minded but you should really have asked"

Oh my god I was gonna pull this off.

"sorry dad" I says

"thats ok but maybe I could have helped you make it. You've used the right materials hgow did you smash it"

"Russell thought you'd get more power with 2 pumps I told him it wouldn't make a difference but he insisted"

"Ah well its a shame you smashed it"

"yeah it took ages" and it bloody well did.

Then my mum pipes in again "are you sure its not for taking drugs or anything"

"Yeah we wouldn't do that mum it was for his technology project"

"ok but if you want to use your dads tools make sure you ask him in future"

I'd done it! I'd pulled off the blag of the century! It was never mentioned again. There were 2 things that made my story believable:they knew we had to make a ping pong ball launcher in CDT at school and I'd been known to launch lemonade bottled to some pretty amazing hieghts with a hose pipe and a foot pump. I'm still amazed I got away with it to this day.

Xantrix