Describe your best whitey.

[vince noir rock n roll star]

i think ive owned up to all te monumental whiteys ive experienced and my wifes theory i reckon stands true ...the minute you think theres a whitey coming on ..get to the loo ..pretend to have a shit ..raise your knees ..she guarantees you the whole thing is caused by trapped wind ..ill vouch for that with me bestest whitey tale 

 

few years back i had to go to the dentist ..extraction of two molars ..anyway i dont have a problem with dentists so i did the usual ..rolled a neat one for on the way home ,i walked home ..

had me teeth out ..mouth full of wadding ..numb as fuck ..they always say dont smoke dont they after dentist work ..so im strolling home smoked me j ..no issues ..got in wifes there ..continue to smoke js all day and into the evening as i would ..anyway ..9ish i think oo im feeling as christopher biggins would say a bit `hello` ..so i get up to get to the loo ..only a short distance ..i say to wife bring me the bowl just in case ..so she does ..im sat on the loo ..dunno how long when wife says you ok ..apparently me eyes rolled in me head and i passed out ..i came too with wife screaming me name at me i look up vomit tons of blood into the bowl ..then release what can only be termed as elephant sized farts ...right as rain after ..go straight to kitchen and roll a j ..wife rolls her eyes and proceeds to site her rules of whiteys at me ..get yer own bowl ..dont smoke when youve been to the dentist and light a fuckin match you dirty bastard ..

 

[G'n'E]

Ate some of a cookie a few years back on holiday in California after I had been drinking all day.

 

My friends had took me on a little road trip to camp land in San Diego to stay and bbq for a couple days.

 

Second night there was a cookie going around and I had a few bites. 

 

Ive greened out when I was younger but this was absolutely horrendous. It was the worst I’ve ever felt both physically and mentally. I managed to get into the RV to my bed without falling out and all I wanted to do was pass out I felt so bad. But I was too scared to because I thought my body would forget to keep breathing.

 

Literally laid there and battled this feeling for hours while everyone else was crashed out until I eventually just drifted into sleep.

 

Had a lot of respect for edibles since that experience.

[vortex]

a couple of summers ago ... my mate amd neighbour calls me over   about 5.30pm   saying hed made space  brownies ...  we  have  a lump the size of a 20pack of cigs ,,,,   then a beer ..... nothin  so we try another lump each   and decide to  have the bright idea of testing his new bong in the shed .....  we leave the women  chatting in the kitchen and head for the mancave  

2 bongs  later  and we are both laughing hystericaly at anythin and everything .....    till it actually hurt ....

mate suddenly  stops laughing .. turns whiter than a snowmans  nutsack  and keels over .... and i mean keels over ....... straight  as a  pin ...like a fekin tree going down ... OBVIOUSLY  i shout   timmmberrr   as loud as i can  and again collapse into hysterical laughter ...

then  I start feeling  woozy  and giddy  like someone had put the  world into fast forward ...... and tied weights to my eyelids .......  i try to get to the door    and  realise  my legs have a mind of their own ...

after hitting the  shed floor i decide  it best to crawl up the garden to  let the girls know somethings gone tits up .... just got outside the door and yakked up ... head for the stone steps .....  i vividly remember passing his  clothes line pole  3 times .. even tho theres only one down that end of te garden ...  so  it seems i was  actually crawling round in circles ....  took ages and ages  and i was SOOOO tired ....

next thing i remember is waking up ,   upside down on the stone steps ... about 5 meters from the shed ....  huh ??   it was  pitch black  HUHHH??   and pissng down with rain ......looked at my watch and it was  1.45 am   WTF?  i  decided i must of been abducted  by aliens  or something .....

turns out the women thought we were having a shed party .... my mrs had  gone home ... and both girls had gone to bed and left us to it !!!

 then i remembered  my tree impersonating mate ..... so i bimbld towards the shed ,  i can hear him moaning and mumbling inside .... i fall through the door  to see him still there... covered in puke...hair sticking up  whinging that he had shat himself ...

AHHHH   HAPPY TIMES

Edited February 14, 2018 by vortex

[vince noir rock n roll star]

not a decent whitey til you fire it from both ends ..@vortex ..i just woke my wife up laughing hard at the timber ..ive done that with a drunk mate years ago ..wed been right on one all weekend on hash and southern comfort ..were stood at this bar sooo fucked up ..im sure i could see my own tear ducts at one point ..im looking at him drinking one minute ..he puts the glass down and then just starts a forward fall ..i pronounce the statutary TIMMMBAAAA as he face plants the wooden floor ..then ..snores .

[Magicmunchietree]

15 hours ago, Absurdist said:

I remember thinking, I'm going to miss the birth of my first child due to a whitey!

 

 

I think this just won the internet for yesterday lmao!!!

16 hours ago, Boojum said:

 

But I've had loads of spin-outs, had too much to drink then smoked a spliff and it being the straw that broke the camel's back (grass before beer, in the clear, beer before grass, on your ass). World starts spinning and you have to go and pray to the porcelain - is that a whitey ?

Thats what I would always usually have said a whitey was, Ive had a few of those myself after a few gallon of cider. That was until that night a few weeks back, which was just horrible. 

Give me the beer and weed head spin all day long, your usually fast asleep not long after!

[Magicmunchietree]

14 hours ago, vince noir rock n roll star said:

 

Belting tale!

12 hours ago, vortex said:

 

AHHHH   HAPPY TIMES

Happy times indeed, that sounded epic I had a good laugh reading that!

[Absurdist]

Taxi for Mr White!

 

When you hear your mates shout shouting that you know you're in trouble.

[B0bbyBuds]

20 hours ago, vortex said:

so  it seems i was  actually crawling round in circles

 

passed out many times, but there’s one time where my vision actually went white a long time ago. Had quite a few drinks, felt buzzing. Picked up of some dude who always had good stuff. Said it was some “tangerine ting” I’m with my mate, meet another mate next to his work. Smoke s joint in the alley, half way through I need to sit down. Then they say we need to move from the spot, start walking about 5 steps, I’m inbetween them, I drop and put my arms around them, they’re holding me up for about a minute while I’m in some dream land. When I came back my vision was white and started clearing up. 

 

Looking bscl and doing lots of psychedelics since it was really like a psychedelic trip.

[snoopynose]

On 14/02/2018 at 5:53 PM, Boojum said:

This is perhaps a stupid post, but I'm not really sure what a whitey is

 

I mean I get that it's when you've had too much smoke, but I'm not really sure what qualifies.

 

Can't really say I've had many occasions when just herb has fucked me up.

 

But I've had loads of spin-outs, had too much to drink then smoked a spliff and it being the straw that broke the camel's back (grass before beer, in the clear, beer before grass, on your ass). World starts spinning and you have to go and pray to the porcelain - is that a whitey ?

@Boojum yes mate.  that is a whitey.  its because the blood runs out of your face so it makes you look like death. YNWA

[goldie_2007]

Worst whitey I had was in st marys hospital in my bed waiting to go for an operation. . Had to go in 24hrs before my surgery, so took a bag with me..had my last doob out front of a+e in nhs gown...spliff in one hand other hand on my drip stand..this is about an hr before am due to be put under...in the aneasatists room hooked up to the heart monitor I lost it.... it wasn't pretty!

 

I now leave at least two hrs before surgeries and spliffs these days

[Loddy]

Had a few in the past year or so, maybe it's because I can be greedy sometimes!

 

It starts in the pit of my stomach and my legs go weak. Balance becomes an issue and the need for fresh cold air blowing on my face/torso is urgent. Sometimes I pass out for a short while, others I have to vomit, if that happens I then get major sweats and have to strip off.

 

Apple juice can fix it, but only if it can be kept down!

[hash72]

used to get dizzy from tabac when I smoked joints, never had a high/stone I cant handle or enjoy

[chillumpuffer]

I had a very bad experience whilst travelling in India back in 1990. We had been away for a year or so.

 

My partner (now Mrs CP) were in a hill station in Northern India and were running low on Hash and couldn't score there. It was a good hour bus journey down to the "town" and a further 3 hrs to Rishikesh. I'd always wanted to go to Rishikesh because of the Beatles connection and I was pretty well sure we'd score there.

 

When we left the hill station we came upon a Sahdu who must have been about 80. He was sat in the waiting room at the bus station having a small Chillum and he beckoned me over as he wanted a drink of my water and he duly obliged with a smoke. Very pleasant it was. He also gave me a small ring which he said was for luck and good travelling. All was going well

 

We got a hotel room in Rishikesh and hit the narrow alleyways of the old town. These were like what you see in Cairo or Marrekesh. Anyway it was steaming hot and we stopped to get some fruit and water when a youngish Sahdu in his orange robes took my hand and said he would buy these for me. Weird. Then he asked if we were interested in some Charas. Bingo, like fuck we were.

 

Now this guy was very articulate but he had a leg missing and walked with a crutch - not a too unfamiliar sight in India. He led us down to an area with benches underneath the market and adjacent to the fast flowing Mother Ganga. He showed me some wonderful looking and smelling Charas. Soft like putty and sweet as flowers. To his right were 2 friends of his who passed him a Chillum to make so we could test his product. At no time did we feel at all uncomfortable. We chatted as he made the Chillum and he warbled on about this was from the Parvati Valley and it was the best! He passed the full Chillum to Mrs CP who, to be fair, took a small gentle toot. I of course banged a big hit, held it and omitted a steam train plume of smoke. Wow it was lovely. He passed it to his friends and finally to me and I had another smoke.

 

Then it got strange. He asked me how much I wanted and I said "A Tola" (10 grams). Ok my friend, I can't remember exactly how much in Rupees, but it was about £30. £30 !!! No chance. A Tola of good Charas in India at the time was tops £10. Then he was pushing me to take 100 gs. Then he got a bit heavy and asked me about the ring I had got earlier and he freaked and told me to throw into the Ganges as it was bad ! ( I still have it). Then it started. I couldn't feel my feet or legs. I had a serious head rush, I thought I could smell alcohol on the Sahdu. I was getting disorientated. My mouth went as dry as a tennis ball and I could hardly speak. My heart was pounding and Mrs CP said the worst thing you could hear. " Are you OK because you look very pale". I grabbed her arm and said I need to get out of here and go back to the hotel quickly. Everything went very slowly. I climbed the steps from the river to the market which was rammed with people. The smells, the heat, the noise. BANG ! Down I went. Collapsed in front of loads of people, my cotton "Fisherman's Pants" undid and I shit myself. My whole body just flushed. She screamed and it was like a dream, bit like Frodo Baggins when he puts the Ring on. I came round and peoples faces were staring, kids were laughing, the river, the chanting !!! Fuck me !

 

It took all her effort to get me back to the hotel dodging stray dogs and cows. In the room she threw me in the shower and I stayed there for ages. I vowed never to smoke again.

 

Next morning I felt groggy but not enough from saying " shit what was that? After breakfast we must find that guy with the one leg and go to the bank" We never did find him. Though we did score later that day and we left Rishikesh for the next leg of our journey to Shimla and onto Manali. India. Fucking weird place 

 

 

[Magicmunchietree]

55 minutes ago, chillumpuffer said:

I had a very bad experience whilst travelling in India back in 1990. We had been away for a year or so.

 

 

That is an incredible story. Even more so relevant as I watched a strain hunters documentary just yesterday and they too were in India looking to learn about the charas and the history of cannabis over there. Big respect for taking the time to share that info!

[chillumpuffer]

39 minutes ago, Magicmunchietree said:

That is an incredible story. Even more so relevant as I watched a strain hunters documentary just yesterday and they too were in India looking to learn about the charas and the history of cannabis over there. Big respect for taking the time to share that info!

 

Thanks Magic. I also have a good one from Bangkok on the same trip. Save that for another day