Smottie remix seed comp

[Guest]

Most commonly heard Redneck phrase before death ....

"Hey ya'll watch this ....."

Admit it, you laughed

Happy hols and cheers for the Comp Joolz ET AL

Peace

B

[crticalcontent]

breeders at uk420 have managed to get eggs to contain THC here is some I tested out super chicken originals I think

[Gerfish]

Festive Fun

Here goes 😁

[Gerfish]

And part 2

[OddNut]

[crticalcontent]

[AustrianToker]

[Guest Key4]

https://goo.gl/images/r5Nv9f Edited December 27, 2016 by Key4

[Teeth]

Many thanks to @@Budelaire and @@Joolz for donating the beans and for organising the competition.

A bit long winded but has in the past had me in tears

Inexperienced Curry Taster

Notes from an inexperienced curry taster named Frank, who was visiting Phoenix, Durban from the U.S.

"Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event."

Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster Curry

Judge One: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge Two: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

Frank: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These char o's are crazy.

Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner Curry

Judge One: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

Judge Two: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Frank: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curry

Judge One: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge Two: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

Frank: Call Colesburg, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.

Curry # 4: Barbu's Black Magic

Judge One: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge Two: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.

Frank: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curry an aphrodisiac?

Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Lip Remover

Judge One: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge Two: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Frank: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those char o's!

Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

Judge One: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spice and peppers.

Judge Two: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Frank: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Savathree, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sensation Curry

Judge One: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge Two: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Frank: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.

Curry # 8: Hansraj's Mount Saint Curry

Judge One: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge Two: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot curry?

Frank: (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

Edited December 27, 2016 by Teeth

[NuVista]

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwj77fWBqJTRAhWEAxoKHSkLAWUQjhwIBQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F455919162247934019%2F&psig=AFQjCNEYjpCfxbrH6BdC3aMqp3j7qKafmQ&ust=1482925993834272

[NuVista]

Edited December 27, 2016 by NuVista

[KayDog]

Why do women have legs?

Have you seen the mess snails make?

[hydro4pot]

Indian Chief "Two Eagles" was asked by a white U.S. Government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years.

You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then

calmly replied: "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt,

plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man

free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; All night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

Good luck everyone and cheers for the comp guys.

[hydro4pot]

This is probably best said as a joke rather than read but still a cracker.

Taking cover in one foxhole after another, with all the horrors of war trying to stop him, he was duty bound to get the message back to HQ. As he dived head first into a hole he saw that it was occupied. Moreover, the man who

occupied it was wrapped up in an Indian blanket and was staring at him.

As soon as he was able to compose himself he noticed that not only was the blanket of American Indian origin but so was the man wearing it. The GI thought this odd

but a friendly face was better than being out there in the carnage just above their heads.

So the GI said to the Indian, "Good God it's crazy out there, you sure got the right idea holding up in here." But the Indian didn't say anything in return--he just kept staring at the GI. So the GI looked back at the Indian and said very slowly and deliberately "Do you speak English?" There was no response from the Indian save for his staring back at the GI.

It was at this point that something the GI heard back at HQ came to him.

So he said to the Indian, once again very slowly, "Are you part of that contingent of American Indians that's operating in this district?" Once again not a word from the Indian.

"Well this is a fine how-ja-do" cursed the GI. "Stuck in this God damn war in this God damn foxhole with this God damn Indian who don't even know how to talk

English!" About this point the GI had an idea he thought might help. Perhaps he could speak to the Indian with the use of sign language. So the GI cupped his hand, making like a parachute and slowly bringing it downward, saying

"Paratroops Airborne, par a troops--are you part of an Air borne group?" But still nothing from the Indian, not so much as twitch.

But this GI was determined by now to communicate with this other man, so he tried again. Taking two fingers he walked them up then down his opposite forearm

saying "Infantry, are you in the in fan try?" But still nothing, not a sign from the Indian. Hardly deterred, the GI positioned both hands and arms and

moved them as though shoving a shell into the breach of a cannon, saying "Artillery, are you with an ar till ery batt ery?" But still the Indian just sat there as if glued to the spot.

A moment or two passed then the GI thought he finally had it. He formed his hands and put them up to his eyes as if they were binoculars shouting "Signal

Corps!" At this the Indian looked absolutely horrified, jumped up, threw off his blanket and ran from the foxhole.

It was about twenty yards away that the Indian was able to dive into another foxhole. There in this second foxhole sat a second Indian, and in their native language this was what was said:

"What's the matter with you why didn't you stay where you were? You could have been killed coming over here!" "Oh," said the first Indian, "I had to get out of

the foxhole I was in because a crazy man jumped in there with me!" "A crazy man," said the second Indian. "Yes," said the first, "as crazy as ever was."

"How could you tell he was crazy?" asked the second. So the first Indian showed the second Indian in sign language what it was that the GI had said to him:

After he jumped into the foxhole with me, he signed, he told me that "when the sun goes down" and "we go back to camp" "I'm going to **** you in the ass" until "your eyes bulge out!"

[Guest]