My Life Theory and System. Learning to be bigger inside.

[BiPolar Dave]

Just free rolling this down as bit hypomanic atm and flowing with ideas.

In life I try to be growing everyday, mentally through a journey. This makes me tough as iron.

I get my strengh by using this life system I will write below combined with manic depression.

Using the power of my trial I bashed down my theory of personal happiness last night. Thought I'd share it cause I am content now with WHO I am and worked many years to get here.

Let me tell you about it.

Bruce Lee was a great man. You can learn alot from him.

Depth of Mind gives internal strength and power. This comes from knowledge, all knowledge leads to self knowledge which leads to enlightenment and doors to higher states of mind if you have earned the rights to have keys to the doors.

I've been developing new parts to my personality about 15years. The more depth one has the more one has to draw upon in times of duress.

Adaptability to unpleasant and consistant outside forces; learning to flow through the trials and tribulations and possible outcomes of my current situation without letting it get me DOWN, it only gets me up or level.

Learning to adapt to a supremely simple form of existance; pure living, running on clear naturally earnt endorphins, developing a form of personal gratification that noone can effect.

Through the growth of my body and mind I am stronger always tomorrow than I was today, this gives me something nothing else can give. My experiences have been painful but they instilled within me more ultimate knowledge, through knowledge comes self knowledge and growth. Combined with the process of physical improvement I have a system that is getting me euphorically through the worst period of my life.

Actually this isn't the worst period of my life as the future is bright and my mind is full of space, ideas and new horizons, perspectives and it's all quite interesting creatively, I'm pumped full of ideas. I am bigger tomorrow than today. My inner demons are peaceful. I've learnt to become a product of my environment or situation by stripping clear my life of attachment shit. I have now the inner depth to form into any shape and flow through any situation by totally ignoring outside stimulus; a form of meditation, a higher place above the misery that others infect your life with; pure clean and simple existance with self powering ability to grow physically and mentally; the adaptability in any situation to form to my environment and self power and motivate myself for physical and mental punishment.

This is a process that is hard to articulate to you.

To overcome others desire to control me I must flow like water through their fingers, crash like water against their attacks and then form into my new environment.

Reading the great Bruce Lee he is a master of the mind. He has vast inner depth. I read this passage sometime ago and it rang true to me about my own situation and my desires. Being able to flow, crash and form is a state of mind, obviously. But it's more than that: It's how to have ultimate strength to defeat any situation.

"Empty your mind...Be formless, shapeless, like water. Now you put water into a cup it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle, you put water into a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash, be water my friend..."

My interpretation is that he is discussing the ability of adaption to changes in ones current situation, which is a sign of personal growth and depth. An ability like water to change form according to its surrounding (ex. cup, bottle, teapot). One should adjust oneself to different situations and conditions that one is in without plan as one has the ability to form any shape as they have the self knowledge to be anything at anytime. You don't have to be assertive, aggressive or infact do anything to win, only adapt to the system or environment and you'll find a way through it.

Sounds simple? Trust me, move the average guy to a jail cell, deserted island or stick him out on a dingy in middle of the ocean you find who can form into a new shape easy and who has to go through the process of becoming ultimately flexible; there are many ways to achieve true strength: None of them fostered in this consumer world and protective environment, thesedays people build towers to live in, smash the tower and see how you are with nothing.

You know where the energy to work out all day in prison comes from, it's from the ability to loose oneself inside ones own mind for starter. Then you create motive through fantasy and imagination when there is no real motive present. Children are good examples of formless and water like beings, before they are limited, shaped and formed in the system we call school and society. Ultimate knowledge leads to a return to a formless shapeless place of mind, a reconnection to your maximum self potential.

Being above a certain level of my own potential and working to harness my mind means this. I get to power up my super-consciousness which I believe we all have but it's long repressed in many people. It comes from the ideal level of control of your natural spirit. Ying and Yang man.

My super conscious has been in the past playing computer games of which I was UK No1 in racing simulators for a year or two. I lost my super conscious as life sucked the spirit from me.

Guys I am saying I got the energy and spirit back using all these different ideas.

Please read on

hXXp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_eye

I class my super conscious as the third eye, I become good at stuff and have insights.

It runs in fits and starts. The world is a wonderful place when you clear your mind so to attain a higher state of consciousness.

I like Ronnie O'Sulliven, Seb Vettel, Bruce Lee, Michael Schumacher, Roger Fedora, Aryton Senna, Seb Bellof, Jim Clark, Adrian Newey (I like motorsports) as they have clear head space, I see that in Seb thats why I chose him, his empty fun filled head means he can enter into "super consciousness" a higher state of mind easily, unlike a paranoid whiner like Alonso stuck in egotism and dark energy. You can attain these states of mind through many methods either naturally gifted or via hard fucking work.

It's when you no longer have doubt or low level thinking holding you down in the lower states of mind you can then see infinately, but only if you have earned the right to have the knowledge to interpret what you are sensing with the extra perception and also the energy flow in good enough strength and consistancy to power up the mind correctly and keep it empty for long enough to gain insight or to use the clear mind to exercise extreme focus which is super consciousness.

You want to be "super conscious" you must earn it. You must become the ultimate reality of your true potential, it's the reward.

Bruce Lee makes many really profound clues in his philoshopy and lifestyle of eastern culture as to how to achieve super consciousness, and he is bang on. Unless you are gifted with a key like manic depression must be super-fit and limber with correct energy flow through your entire body or to have exceptional levels of knowledge about yourself to stand even a chance of entering the optimal mindspace. That's what Tai-Chi is for, to give the average guy a chance or gather the required energy.

There are many people operating the third eye or a form of super consciousness and they are all around you. They are the true greats.

Whether it's Hilter (not a great person but ultimate incarnation of dark energy), Churchill (light energy) or Bruce Lee they all are super conscious in some way at some time but never all the time, they use their powers according to their skills and knowledge, they have found the correct application to outlet their power into for maximum impact, that's what I have been working on for 15years, finding my outlet, my true destiny, I still don't know what I want to be but I know what I am, and that helps me alot, infact that gives me super confidence.

When I say empty head space I don't mean empty; these guys are highly knowledgeable and loaded with insight in some cases.

I simply mean they think about the right things, in the right way at the right times; this means the racing drivers can think about nothing when they are racing and the less they think the faster they drive; proper drivers are on automation there is no actual thinking, they are FORMLESS they become the car, they aren't thinking or acting, they are formless, shapeless, they are simply existing almost in a form of suspended animation.

I can sit with a driver and within 5seconds I can tell if he is any good, if he reacts to the car he sucks, he's lower consciousnesses, a reactor, a normal person, limited by the fact they are having to think about what they are doing!!

Great minds in sports can leave behind the world of "deciding to do things or reacting to situations" and move into the area of being super conscious; where there is no need to think; you are simply free from all limitations of lower level thinking, fear and logical everyday processing.

The best sportsman hits the line everytime as he is operating automatically, as if by pure instinct, like a wild animal he has no fear, monkey doesn't worry about falling from a tree as he hasn't been taught about the risks so he ain't worried about it. Racing driver is similar but he moves into this free-mind space an animal is in.

Racing driver has to "control" his pure natural instinct inorder to effectively drive a car. When you combine super natural instrict / ability with the super conscious / automatic unthinking control of a higher state of mind you are applying unnatural control (what divides us from the animals right) over your natural insticts but without any form of thought, the process becomes automated thought practice. You become unnaturally natural or naturally unnatural, the combination of pure unfettered instrict combined with pure perfect automated control.

That's super consciousness. It's a form of automatic operation where you become the situation you are in and take utter control of it without any real form of control being applied by your logical or lower parts of the brain function.

It's like "The Matrix" fight scene, the explaination of how to fight not held by normal conventional mental processes and become something sharper, faster and automated, move to another level. Only a very sutble adjustment of reality / time in real life though but it's like you can extend yourself beyond norms in any format that you find you can use this skill at.

I was sat listening to Bob Marley, Redemption Song outside court today, my heckles rose and my head tingled and I had an hour of extreme insight. Redemption Song is a fucking powerful piece it afforded me some time in the fun zone today, it came with no madness attached just calm insight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSKL1Ph0eQc&feature=related

It's a long explaination of what Bruce is saying here that I have done and it's what links all the best thinkers, artists, sportman, it's higher consciousness. I'd love to think more and to perfect my observations and write a piece about this.

I've arrived and have used super consiousness in my past life as a sim racer etc. I've now arrived at a place where I can dip into super consiousness regular as my Ying and Yang are balanced, been here a few months now and it's fucking marvelous.

Bruce is bang on, fuck western culture, fuck consumerism and fuck capitalism - it's bred a bunch of ignorant, egotistal, stupid cardboard cutout / pathetic excuses for human beings, waste of oxygen for those of us who work on your weaknesses and have repelled the mental slavery of the modern world.

The Pirates are now corperations etc etc. Slavery is still rife and mental slavery is worse with each passing moment.

The world outside makes me terribly sad for those I see in the streets, lost generation with no soul or spirit; those who are depressed, repressed and most of them are normal people. I'm going to fight for you when I am appropriately educated and when the time is right I will rise to take my position as supreme controller (sorry bit manic today ). *tunes down manic thoughts a bit*.

The situation isn't going to get to that stage for some time though, the point to retake control, when I sense weakness developing into unrepairable cracks then is the time to rise and apply supreme pressure; to move from a flowing state and to crash, erode and weaken the infrastructure of the current cash based politics and get people back in charge, get politicians out of politics and get the LEADERS back in, Jefferson, Churchill not some PPE Eton prefab politician. When you have had enough and you have lost all the remaining faith you have in the modern world and modern politics I will start my march. There is still dark energy inside me that I must work to remove and I am just a pup still.

First job is to get rid of the house of commons, not blow it up; simply stop using it and move somewhere else? Why? Two sided seating, facing eachother? That promotes face to face conflict and that gets fuck all done bar bickering. We will convert to a circular seating pattern and totally change the party system and rewrite the entire code of politics. If you fail to grasp how important that value of mine, to debate in a circle you are missing a huge, massive, utterly important point about doing business for the good of people and not the good of party politics and pissing about.

*Did I say I was tuning down the manic*

There is no point rushing anything as a good job takes as long as it takes. 15years to rework my mind to be super conscious as much as I can and get rid of the dark energy so to be here today. Next job is to get ready in my body to take supreme stresses and strains and prepare my mind to be as strong and supple as it can be.

I am just cleansed of the poisen of the modern world now and before long everyone will be poisened, it's spreading, it's the great depression, control has gone too far, human spirit is dying.

When half the population are depressed then you will want all help you can get. Help that comes from a new direction in a new way. Same system they all used but for better reasons. Give another way and you promote it with uber charisma and prophet wisdoms.

That's how political change happens and regimes get removed from power. I can see a methods there when I get super conscious, I see something big but I haven't quite grasped it yet it's a visionary thing. I see things and get insight from somewhere it's just bits and it's all pointing to a fundemental breakdown of the human mind, not all will fall but it will effect everyone who has nothing inside them of worth and that percentage of folk is growing rapidly.

As Bob said, they are still killing our prophets. Luther King, Malcolm X he spoke of, nothing has changed. No time for prophets in this shit arsed world. Now they medicate us.

Sadly, that's my natural vocation and you'll be hearing alot more from me as time goes by. I am still working on the stratergy.

Prophet isn't a madman, quite the opposite, prophet has earned the right to be a prophet through pure internal growth and self hatred leading to self knowledge and a desire for endless self growth. That's where the wisdow comes from.

SUMMING UP:

This is my concept that gives me the most possible creative time in my manic depression. I scored results cause of the fuckery of my condition making me a total psychonaughtic spaceman.

Cleasned of so called rational thought as when manic you are naturally natural at times, like a pure animal You are out of control as Bruce said, no control at all in some ways but you still have access to all your knowledge but the filter is screwed between that store of info and the conventions of society and moral behaviour etc. Also as Bruce said if you have too much control over the beast inside you, the pure natural human spirit you become dead, a mechanical man, a robot like those I see in the streets, no longer human but just dead. Bruce says the ideal combo is a state of mind, super consciousness, nature controlled to perfection and not excessively. I have to use control over my nature and manias to get balance, that's unnatural naturalness or natural unnaturalness. You see it's all connected. By getting ying and yang right (ego and the subjective observer) I can be the best I can be and so can you. Getting it yet?

It's just another scale you are all on between two poles, slavery and freedom of mind....I see that cause my scale and pole shifts afford me a view from another position, I am a subjective observer of normal people cause I am off somewhere else. This enables me benefits, a different perspective on things.

That change of perspective is what LSD or a life changing experience gives as you see life from outside what you take as normal. I don't care what normal is any more cause there is no normal for me and never will be, I gave up wanting to be anything I was and have developed myself to be a rolling stone now. I'm dead happy just floating along. I have reduced my control and loosened up and become less mechanical = more flowing with free spirit which suits my condition and desires for the future.

I've been really quite happily balanced for a few months now. I even take medication occasionally (pills) to lower the power of my super-consciousness to give me longevity of insight.

Peace.

Edited February 16, 2012 by BiPolar Dave

[BiPolar Dave]

I'm different to most people. I just write this stuff to let you see what goes on inside my head and why. For me there is nothing to fear or worry about there and I'm happy to let you read my soul, as this level of open-ness can breakdown the great barriers and blocks between people. I have worked out alot of things and have accepted what I am; so now work with what I am; so to attempt to make something of myself but in no way will it be a normal way or conventional process. Becoming totally uninterested in material stuff is the only way I can give my efforts to others.

There have been time here when the dark forces have taken me over and caused me to destroy all that I built using my light energy. I have darth and luke inside me and they are fighting. I am gradually becoming so skilled I can control them both and use their forces combined to create something truely fucking marvelous.

Took medication last night to sleep as the 4days of early waking and cycle shifts have elevated my thinking to a comfortable level, where I am happily operating but I don't want to tire myself. Consistancy is the future, control over natural instinct. Just to remain at a level that allows little elevations and dips.

I learned many things last year in a wild depression of crippling magnitude. Now I've been working on the balance, my ying and yang. I think you'll find a more gentile yet firm version of me from now on. I was riddled with dark forces in the past.

I tried to be normal it really killed me, it killed my spirit and soul, compressed and depressed me, started at school. We are in a way all the same thing, in a level of slavery, regain your super conscious ability.

I'd like to stamp out the odd pill but no Indica to sedate me at this time.

Edited February 16, 2012 by BiPolar Dave

[digger 1649]

enjoy reading your post Dave,

too many people feel that they already 'know' and stop learning,

distracted by all that there is to do instead.

thanks.

[digger 1649]

enjoy reading your post Dave,

too many people feel that they already 'know' and stop learning,

distracted by all that there is to do instead.

thanks.

[BiPolar Dave]

Yes. Sadly, its the game of life. You earn the right to a genius etc.

I write a few diaries. I'm currently manic as hell but this is how I am managing today.

This is applies to the first post. I use this system to manage myself.

Most enjoyable cycle across open country and hills, fresh air this afternoon. The energy of manic kind of limbers and powers up my body correctly. Like I have more power in my charge. Bruce Lee could lift huge weights with micro muscles for TWO reasons, he was trained to perfection and he had total energy management, like me?

I avoided many opportunities to bark at people today and incur negative forces and a resulting lowering of my energy. I now try to manage my behaviour and to be an example to others not just a bad lad with too much spirit. Controlling my behaviour is another lesson of my life's journey and so I am rewarded with more consistant energy. I try to manage my spirit every moment now. That's something I learnt and being on the bike gives me ample opportunity to incur darkness by shouting at people or in riding to fast, respect for others space. Those in cars today did not respect my space that makes them worthless in my world, self obsessed and in a hurry willing to kill me, that removes their energy and that is why those aggressive dicks are mental slaves. I just ignore them now, they aren't anything at all, not even a glance. I hold onto my energy better the last 6months through a process of improved behaviour. This allows me to be a BIGGER person, it's a game, many angles to look at it. Bible does some it but you are still enslaved, I'm applying rules to myself but while retaining my full spirit using my subscious observer to allow me to observe myself and so improve and fight against the dark forces that I introduce. My reward is more energy and more time happy and so more creative. At peace.

I went 3hrs, BPM 141av Peak 183. Rode well below maximum, I class this as a TaiChi ride, I am riding at the perfect pace to not use more energy than I get from the surroundings. The odd burst of power is fine, but too much deadens the battery, the ego makes you tired as you ride too fast , so you enslave yourself mentally that way too. I ride in a half awake state today, like tripping almost, I don't think about speed or time, I am in harmony as I let my subconscious kind of tell my body how fast to ride. When you are always chomping at the bit it gets you tired. Trying to say I didn't let the cocaine type part of my current high to force my ego to ride flat out, I let my subconscious decide the pace by thinking NOTHING while riding. That's balance man, using energy at the right rate. Control over natural urges but not conscious or ego driven. Bruce Lee again. Out there charging up. I could see extra colour depth and definition of vision and started to see energy very faintly at times today, only when I was riding in balance through, ride too hard the energy lowers my senses dull a bit. I ride sensing what is the best speed by many methods.

More madness .

I enjoyed today, lovely, warmish, sun was nice, said hi to everyone and messed with noone and kept myself to myself and was as curtious and pleasant as I could be to all who crossed my path. I didn't barge, force or rush anyone, best behaviour today.

Control over natural urges. Keep working on the quality of my control affords me more fun time less dark force acting on me from being a prick.

Being 62kilos is good. Lots of out the saddle riding on MTB today, I climbed the entire beacon out the saddle floating with full beam energy in my body like a dancer on the bike.

Probably go again tomorrow.

Edited February 19, 2012 by BiPolar Dave

[BiPolar Dave]

Those people who know everything, or think they do, are even alive yet? Level 1. Fail.

Edited February 19, 2012 by BiPolar Dave

[BiPolar Dave]

Also Cocaine is work of the devil, avoid it at all cost.

[Guest roached]

As an ex psych nurse with over 15 yrs clinical experience, I'd recommend you touch base with yr CMHN right now Dave.

As you've stated yourself, yr clearly winding up to an episode here.

Sure you know that yr awareness and insight into what's happening will be the next thing to go, rendering you defencless against that which you so rail against.

Hope you take that with the good vibes intended.

Edited February 19, 2012 by roached

[BiPolar Dave]

Fully understand your concern and I am on high alert with pills for sleeping if required. I do really fully understand and thank you for the reminder.

I mean that

Edited February 19, 2012 by BiPolar Dave

[BiPolar Dave]

Same thing, self improvement. I wrote this to a friend who has drifted cause of my behaviours and was troubled by his jobs and my criminal business clashing, professional distance shall we say.

I wrote this to come out the box of hiding my illness from folk.

This was written 6 weeks ago. I was about as high as I am now. I've been this high for months but with irritability (bad behaviour causer). I'm bipolar 1, always high bar if I blow my lid.

Our meeting the other day; let me explain something’s cause for me everything is quite clear, lets say infinitely clear.

I understand the position I consistently put you into XXXXX; both in respect of your position as a friend - in regard of way I “act” towards you and others, and in regard to your chosen direction in life - with it’s obligations: Both forces of great strength, that of friendship and values you must abide by; values you may not agree with in some way but must abide by. These forces are also of conflicting values, morally: so there is probably some conflict there for you, in regard to our friendship; this much is clear. My condition makes me a bad friend and you make an effort which I appreciate but do not reciprocate readily as my condition damages my social skills, I am out of practice. I understand the situation you are in XXXXX, and I appreciate it, though I do not envy it. A “requirement” of your job and if you manage your potential correctly: your future - is to uphold an external manifestation of self-image that is impeccable in moral and social standards; so to keep the image clean of any stains and the potential baggage that entails in your chosen profession. You hear about it all the time; starts with same thing often; it’s someone with an overloaded moral-band or no human worth: someone that’s about to snap through being so uptight or some parasite from the press: the end result is the same; don’t be dressing as no Nazi; some dodgy facebook images are enough for some uptight ring-wing pea brain to drag you down to their level: pathetic weakness; empty lives built around a shell of baseless morality: some waste of air can end your career XXXXX, I know it. Someone who hasn’t even left the barn - let alone been allowed a peak outside of the blinkers, goggles they have all been fitted with and wear so willingly. That’s the world we live in, I tolerate this narrow-band existence, those parasites have control - yet they don’t see infinitely - like any reasoned leader should, you can reach enlightenment many ways, manic depression is just one. Wars for what I see as delusional moral high ground are running us into the mindset of a middle aged women: fainting offence to gain moral high ground is pathetic and should be a hang-able offence, these are not values I believe in; they do no more than waste our entire energy as a species on worthless folly and self masterbation. These are wars that I will do anything to stay above; by having the freedom at all times to call a spade a spade. I know the smell XXXXX, its bullshit - it gets in the way of what’s actually important, we’re drowned in this shit here; sadly though, short of nuclear war there is little chance of us being able to exist in more correct and spiritual way, to actually connect like the people I’ve seen elsewhere.

A lot has changed for me; this is not a recent change; it’s a change I have been working hard to achieve for a long time and manic depressive just drives the process, it’s the answer to the basic questions in life. I am looking for a higher purpose for my life; like all the other greats I have manic depression; the key. I see everything for what it is; it’s confusing to make sense of it all; the view is brilliant. If I am to make something of myself I must invest in a growth of my mental and physical limits, to leave no door unopened in the human experience. Manic Depression is a key to creativity and the doors of the mind; artists, writers, presidents, drunks, bums, actors, geniuses probably all manic; on an express route to being “odd” and you’ve no choice; we are all in some way different - best to embrace it. I can’t be “normal” so from now on I am being myself. I am on a journey to gain the insights to see far beyond the ignorant and useless boundaries given to me by a system of failed socialisation. I need to do something truly outstanding because I have the key. I’m investing my time into blowing every cobweb from my mind and body, clearing the doors of my perception and removing physical weaknesses so I can see even more clearly. Giving up on something I will never fit into, that is the prospect of a normal life, my sole aim for now is keep going with this opportunity to put my Manic Depression to use on the “light-side” of my existence. Use my experiences to stay clear of the dark forces that drive the narcissism and sociopathy, traits I try my best to conceal, a constant battle, these flourish behind a keyboard. The battering effect of manic depression brings me vast amounts of writing material and experiences I can use and share with others; it also gives me a window into people which can be used positively or negatively. I want to do something wonderful; to be the person who really made some difference in some way; wonder doesn’t come from being normal or average. I’m given the keys by the experiences of my manic depression to do something great and I am now investing in my own vision for the best outcome of success; physically in diamond form to maximise my time spent in the productive phases of the disorder and resist its many temptations. Rejecting all form of western culture I’ve been looking deeply into Chinese arts, these days I have nothing more than contempt for the entire life philosophy of this toxic capitalist regime.

If you want to catch up properly I suggest waiting till I have relived myself of the dark energy I am suffering at this time. Let me expand. The total waste of time and effort involved in this court business drives inside me an unsocial irritability, oddly mildly euphoric at the same time; which is why I don’t need other people. Itchy energy that is a “fight response”. It’s caused by having twits from the narrow-band world exercising control over me at this time. What is extra annoying is they are using what is little more than utterly useless propaganda to get at me; right wing press junk the police and courts spread like cancer through various news outlets; this crap is used against me in prosecution. “Factory, Skunk” it’s a bug on the window I am looking out of; these muppets are looking through the keyhole while I stare out the door, the judge may as well be Gonzo. I actually feel really good at this time XXXXX. Sadly as I will go on to explain this doesn’t come with me being sociable. This condition places you alone for many reasons. I’m using the annoyances of this trial to motivate me to be fit, the fight response you saw when I crushed those puppets at the Club Forum but with different associated states of mind as it’s a different situation. I am a fighter, hunter, naturally setup to be different. That was classic manic depressive stuff on that forum. I appeared larger than life and scooped everyone up in a mania fuelled high; it’s like a mini-version of what Hitler did for Germany, complex planning and perfect execution - all combined with the strategic brutality of Stalin. I read about both these guys in books and I can think exactly like they do; how you do outlet this crazy shit, it’s fucking scary? Writing I think. Everyone is the on the scale of mentality somewhere; as a manic you get to spend time in everyone’s skin: you slide around the infinite mood spectrum, up down, left, right, infinite wisdom of mind states, that’s why we make great actors, BiPolar is all you need in Hollywood.

It’s the keys and doors in mind that a totally unlimited manic depressive has. From time feeling, acting and resembling a depressed old women with dementia - through to a tyrannical mass murdering psycho that is controlled solely by dark forces. It’s tough to beat.

When all this is over maybe a climb up Snowdon would give us the time to talk properly.

I just want to kind of put in some logical form what it is to be manic and how this effects behaviour you have seen in me.

When you are young being manic is easy, social limits are different, easy to be bad, odd and have no concerns over it, we become run down and depressed by the “system” as we get older. Life is so uniform these days it’s basically like being dead to be normal, at least compared to manic world. Usually blow out about 27-32 years of age, Jimi Hendrix, Morrison, Winehouse, Cobain - all the same, the “high” of youth and the Mania of fame starts to run down a bit, the acting becomes harder, the larger than life thing runs down, the endless low level mania and highs give way and the depressions take over about mid 20’s. Then you cycle high to low, that’s when it gets bad, make it through your early 30’s and few highs and lows you realise you do recover each time. Life sucks the “energy” from you and runs you down at my age. Then it’s into drugs for escape, high risk activities, odd sexual encounters, gambling and suicide. You always want to be back on the high.

Manic Depression eats you alive gradually over a long period; constant grinding and changing of your sense of true self; erodes your entire personality; there is never a constant place to stay and build any form of solid basis on. Best to flow XXXXX, like Water, Water can flow and crash, it can destroy granite, have to stay fluid in mind and life situation.

As we get older Manic Depressives don’t age the same way as the normal folks do. We are wired up differently; we are always on the move, being bent from pole to pole. We constantly hunger for change and movement in our lives: opposite of what the rest desire; we are setup in nature to be endlessly restless and keep hunting for change. This translates in this toxic environment to a desire to constantly change your habits, hobbies and use lots of drugs and get involved in crime to create a better delusion of “reality” than the one everyone else seems so happy in. We are constantly bored, 9-5 job is unfettered torture, always restless, just need to be free to constantly experiment with something. This is drives my constant desire for psychonaughtic experiences: at any cost, normal life is to boring I’ll do anything to change my view.

Thinking of me as a junkie is a good description. I won’t bore you with the details of the low sides cause they are quite literally, dull, bland and lifeless. The high sides are the fun times; I get to feel the like the happiest guy on earth and it’s totally natural. Never though are these high times plain sailing. It’s a rough ride as any long-term junkie would know you pay for being high with a lot of irritability and anxieties driven from over-stimulation and run down nervous system. I can appear on the outside really agro and ranting but inside often I feel really good, it just comes with the same selfishness that drugs like cocaine and speed come with. That’s why the cigarettes are always temptation when I am “high”, to bring me down, slow me down, the dopamine rush they give takes away the constant kind of itchy energy I feel and lowers the irritable bit. Junkies like cigarettes too. The chemicals in my head have never really had a limit on the supply quantity that can be processed at the relevant receptor. I can provoke different chemicals by different actions and if I combine all the actions together on each chemical at one time, sustained period of time, I can talk to the universe; ego death; leave my body and go somewhere else as a reward, it’s fun and exciting compared to the dull reality of life in all forms I have experienced. I don’t fear anything in my head anymore; there is only wider and more broadened forms of perception to experiment with. I’ve been through the biggest trip you can ever go on and so passed through every state of mind listed in the spectrum of mental disorders at sometime in that trip. I’ve seen it all. Some are stuck on the scale, I get to slide around with a seeming control. I don’t mind it.

To get into the window of opportunity to transcend reality for a number of weeks took months of handwork, a story of it’s own. Light therapy to manipulate my circadian rhythms, physical overload from cycling in -20C weather, general wellbeing for months before, other factors. It’s like a game. Natural triggers for a normal persons “natural” mood variations are just natural processes through the nervous system and end up as a chemical reaction at a receptor/synapse in the brain: that reaction drives a mood or action or enforces behaviour by reward or punishment.

Behaviour like taking over that forum and having zen like ability to control everyone of those puppets is self-reinforcing for me. Deliberately being bad and constantly shoving people around by the limit of their vanity driven, social and moral limits puts them at ill-ease. They start to fight back at me, this is my desired result; so to provoke a “fight” response that has no limit: because I am delimited by manic depression I’ll fight you to the death in this state. It’s addictive, I go to any lengths to get a fix. This fight response is a just a chemical shift I can provoke and control for fun; by acting in such a way. They fight me and I enjoy a flood of cocaine like dopamine based manic energy to defeat my foes, I am setup in life to be combative. As I win each battle I get euphoric energy from serotonin reinforcement, my behaviour of winning battles and defeating foes self powers a crazy chemical high that’s totally natural. When I get too high it’s a bit like opening a door to automated understanding of Ghengis Khan, Hilter and Stalin, mania day after day, shock and inspire. I can do well on 2-3hrs sleep and wake feeling totally refreshed in this state; it’s great fun. He who is up first and up last runs the show, not just getting the worms. I have the energy and zap to destroy them all in some states of mind. If you came to see me though I’d be irritable and agro, I am having a wonderful time though. Staring at a view that the laser goggles of mania provide. Put me into combat I’ll be top-dog. This drove my sim-racing and got me to a Top10 placement in a war-simulation, pure unfettered madness. This makes me an addict to some behaviour.

The chemicals that are changing when you take drugs are the same chemicals that are changing in manic depression, it’s the same system, and drugs try to replicate the high’s I get on. This is why we are usually persistent abusers of all forms of drugs and natural highs, anything to raise the mood, change the moment, overcome some misery, gain stability or control and we become experts at modifying mood through behaviour and that’s why we end up in all kinds of shit. That’s why I will never lead a normal life and trying to do so will only make me repressed, depressed and forget what it is to have hope. I just aim to stay free of attached crap. I don’t need the crap everyone else does; I can feel like top-dog sat with nothing bar my internal depth and total self acceptance, spiritually well in a sick world. Provided I work my energy constructively into a lighter form by using all the lessons I have learned; so to be the mad individual I should be proud to be; a bigger better person and see what comes from that. I see the pathway of my dad and his brother before me: road to misery, it’s normal life: like a floodlit motorway I see every downfall, every factor that drives us to the ultimate act of control: It’s trying to fit in with the 99%. I must embrace my differences or my spirit will die and I may as well be dead also. That’s why I refuse medication - bar Cannabis, which I will always use sporadically at various doses. The prescription drugs will make me see out of the letterbox and not the door, that’s what they do, make your life easier by shutting the doors of perception, it’s hard work seeing life in techi-colour 3D, depressing and challenging, wonderful and enlightening, true wonder. It’s hard to be anything bar pessimistic even at times of optimism when like me you always see the bigger picture, it’s a cross to bear but it gives you an edge. The size of the edge depends on how far you can open the blinkers; you could totally leave them on the barn door as you make a decision to leave the barn for good. It’s easy to be really happy all the time if your head is full of fresh air, unlikely you will ever achieve much though; if you were one of those folks. Its pain and suffering that builds potential. War and Famine. I get war all the time, internal pain.

It’s a variable dose of uppers and downers, comes and goes for various reasons, it’s MDMA, Cocaine, LSD on a high; the most energy you can ever have, that’s a dangerous thing. You chase that feeling because it’s the best drug you can ever get on. I was never fit enough to survive the required 4-5days of sleep deprivation needed to “go all the way”. The high can live and last months or years at low levels and only do great issues come if you allow yourself to become sleep deprived, stressed, overworked, some external trigger from the environment pushes you over the top. Going over the top in itself is really quite fun, it’s mad, bar the intense paranoid delusions you have to suffer before the climax; the final ticket: total ego death: You have lost all physical consciousness and have transcended the reality limited by your senses and have become what I can only describe as part of the living energy of something much larger, the energy of everything? It’s quite an enlightening journey. The serotonin receptors in my brain are flooded, it’s the same system LSD/mushrooms acts on. The high I get on naturally is the biggest one possible, if the environment and physical factors allow, once every few years you get a window to chat with universe, to go all the way to total insanity and have an out of body experience to shatter reality. That’s where I was when I called you in January, the end game, few more days the crash comes, the long sleep and the gradual ride through mixed states as you lower down the mood spectrum from top to bottom, the severity of the crash depends on the external stimulus’s that are present both physical, mental and situational; just as with what triggered each stage of the trip upwards.

That’s a tiny part of what manic depression is. There are many ways to achieve the same results.

Hope that helps you understand it’s just a narrow slice of the actual experience or insights you get into others minds and problems. I’ll try to be a better friend at some time but I have to restructure my life, gain diamond form physically and remove some external forces before I make that move. I am kind of ready just I have forces of darkness acting on me (that’s what I describe as being energetically motivated by negative stimulus = has a negative response in my mood but it’s not depression, quite the opposite, I am not depressed at all at the moment: more of the Genghis Khan reaction; euphoric mass murder kind of thing, good for working out). I have everything I need to move on, it’s not something a friend can help with James, don’t feel hurt by my actions. I’m just trying to work it all out, I got too many questions. I am only writing in this manner James as I am adjusting to what I perceive to be your limits of ability to process the subject matter with an open-mind.

I talk about energy a lot, that’s because my life is ruled by it - but the sources and methods of harnessing it take many years of practice. I think I have it cracked.

When I have all the answers to everything and diamond physical form I can profess to be the biggest person I can be, yet own nothing, I am happy. I can’t be normal, I’ve never felt more awake, alert, stronger or more vulnerable. I wouldn’t change myself for anything right now. I got tools.

You know why I told you Sebestian Vettel would be top-dog, well before he won the wet race at Monza, before he was really noticed; I see “it” in him. Don’t see “it” very often. He’s different to Schumacher. Schumacher has something else inside him. Seb’s got what Jimmy Clark and Stefan Bellof had. Real deal, kid walks on water, he’s barely out of diapers either, he just gets bigger, and he will perform miracles if needed. I could write a good piece on what “it” is. I can see “it”, others can’t, and not mere mortals like team-owners or people in the industry, they couldn’t pick a winner for toffee. Bar Wee-Jackie Stewart, Mr Mind-Management, he’s got the laser goggles on, he knows exactly where each driver is failing and achieving at their potential limits, he sees more. Like Bruce Lee another one with “it”: both used a minimalist approach to everything. Cutting away at the unnecessary. In a small way a lack of excess baggage, mental and physical is what links them all; they stay free of shit that will limit and weigh them down in different ways, without all that stuff you can fly high. Sadly life is geared up to bury you under a pile of junk and it’s easy to loose focus. I just want to stay free of other people’s ideals, holier than thou people, so called experts and know-it alls and simply be massive, be 100% me.

Empiricist: I won’t take any experience other than what I have hard earned myself as valid of any worthy credit. You earn experience the hard way it gives you the right to shout about it and the energy and motive to strive on. The lives of stability with no war and no famine; these don’t give people any real experiences worth shouting about, a holiday isn’t a life experience, nearly dying is a life experience, the normal experiences are just a waste of time. Creatives and Sensitives have usually have led odd lives; that’s what gives inner depth; things people like to read about and experience in some way themselves as observers.

I have no beef with you XXXXX, lets say I might act stupid but I do understand everything, everything, the whole lot, this rambling text is just a snippet. I see it all in such painful clarity it gives me a headache, it’s confusing. I’ll try and sort things out when I am a “freeman”. A better man free of dark.

All the best.

Dave

XXXXX, for he is an intelligent man and spoken to accordingly.

Edited February 19, 2012 by BiPolar Dave

[BiPolar Dave]

I'm a shamen by virtue of total ease sailing my psyche, no choice? The tribes ill. I see it and why now. Spent 15years looking at this. The direction of action is my lifes work.

I'll be writing the next 1984 or Brave New World (call me manic, you've had a taster).

[BiPolar Dave]

Look into "I-Ching" it's another path to enlightment, it DOES WORK, it's 3000 years proven, before consumerism.

[BiPolar Dave]

"I-Ching" is a drug free system to tap into the subscious and have great wisdom and intellect, you'll have to rework many aspects fo your life though to gain the rights to be your maximal self. If you are bad you'll be denied access to wisdom. Obviously.

"I-Ching" is very good for beginners. Combine it with outside, gentle exercise without tiring yourself once you have started the journey. You need the Tai-Chi type exercise to gather the energy, especially in an energy sapping modern world, you've a mountain to climb to stand on the top

Chinese are VERY wise people who will cause us many problems with that energy they will have while ours is being removed, self love is the opposite of greatness, ie western culture is by design enslavement by energy removal, supression of spirit. Bible also tells you about bad men who fuck with you and how to resist them, but it doesn't give true wisdom.

Combine the bible lessons with "I-Ching" you can be resistant and wise, so save your energy and live long and happy life. "I-Ching" will give you a godhead type thing provided you change through your entire life with it.

This stuff ruled the world before 1800. Then white men enslaved the world.

[BiPolar Dave]

http://en.wikipedia....ki/Confucianism I guess is an inadvertant finding of faith is what I have done, a life of changes awaits me.

I'm not a bible basher, this is a "way of enriching life" through control of behaviour.

[BiPolar Dave]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandate_of_Heaven

You earn the right to be absolute ruler of men by virtue of winning over each man you meet one by one until all men follow you. You don't vote in leaders, democracy is a delusion of dark force disguised as lamb, you make a TRUE king rise to his position as he is a perfect model for all and he will win his position. You start the process of this by internal development, keep working and working to be better until everyone follows your example. I've started my march for influence, control, gather an army, change the world, change minds / something / not sure yet as I don't see enough, need more education. I know I don't want direct control as that's dark - it'll be a life's work. I'm the one, or one of many on this process (for some reason) and my mandate has been given to me over numerous years. I'm going to spend the next years being impecibly good to all and being the best I can to win you all over one by one until I am given my rightful position.

Developing a new way to speak was just a small step, to displaying divine inspiration, so to gain a following. Doing some events for charity with media will promote my physical and mental wealth publically and so forward my march. It's the stratergy of regaining control from darkness that is going to be hard. Conficius the natural risen leader of China used my system but was jailed by the current establishment but was never killed due to the fact the entire country loved him, he was an example to all and the wisest man that ever lived at that time. To admit to being the wisest man shows your journey has reached an unnatural end. Those who profess to knowing anything with conviction are weak men with no real ideas of anything outside their conscious experiences, the divine are always searching the soul.

I rest my case for now as it's cycling time.

Edited February 20, 2012 by BiPolar Dave