Hi all,

now where to start?
I think I have and have always had ADHD but never been diagnosed.
Im 35 and lead an outwardly normal(ish) life.
As a Chld I was wild, very disruptive in School, raging frustration at teachers etc, I was in trouble with the Police constantly from Car theft and Burglary to Arsen. Bearing in mind I was living on an Island on the West Coast of Scotland I was quite well known for my behaviour, generally just thought of as bad, however I know I wasnt bad, bored maybe but not bad. As a youngster I was known as very whimsicle, constantly having new hobbies, doing new things, i couldnt sit still and hated (still do) the restrictions of rules. Shoplifting was another favoured passtime, however I would steal books, I love reading and always have. Reading has always helped with my internal dialogue and constant idea flickering, it seems that the words running through my head stop stop the endless reel of thoughts or at least channels them.
I joined the Army at 15 on an impulse and spent 3 years not enjoying myself at all, I got into drugs in the Army, went AWOL, got Jailed and discharged due to admitting drug use and telling them where to shove there Northern Ireland tour.
Since leaving the Army I have never held down a job, my CV is as long as your arm, Ive done so many jobs its silly. The problem with work is the same as School/Army, I get crazy thoughts, very frustrated, to the point of doing stupid things to get away from work or just telling people to stick there job up there arse.
The thoughts that run through my head are constant, I cant sit still to watch Movies, I find myself in the kitchen doing dishes or tidying up things, or whatever task has sneaked in to my head. The thought reel starts as soon as I open my eyes, infact if I open my eyes at 3 am Ive had it, getting back to sleep is a trial as the thoughts start and I wil have a worry about something that doesnt matter or hasnt yet happened.
Its not all bad, some of the symptoms are very handy, Im considered the life and soul of the party and often get told Im very funny/witty. I have good general knowledge due to me interest in anything and everything, and also due to my reading. Im known as hard worker locally an my house is generally tiidy. When Im doing a task that I enjoy I can concetrate for hours, generally Canna related tasks. I am generally thought of as happy person that people like to have around, my employer calls me Mr Cheery as I do have a cheerful outward disposition.
I know for a fact there are more symptoms, ie - I always seem to think Im waiting on people which frustrates me no end, I cant go into them all right now cos there wold be so many. Obviously these symptoms have made it hard for anyone to stay in a relationship with me, when I think of what my Ex GF of 8 years put up with (mood swings, constant job changing) it makes me cringe, but at the time I didnt know what was wrong even though I knew something about my was different.
I visited a Psychiatrist or Psychologist (?) about 5 years ago due to what I thought was anxiety problems, I was given Seroxat which I binned, made me feel horrible. I lost confidence in Psyche Docs after this.
I find that Cannabis helps, lots and I have basically been self medicating for 15 years without knowing it, I dont like to think what may have happened had I not enjoyed Cannabis so much.
So what do i do? Should I go to the Docs? A diagnosis would be nice, if only to help me understand why I feel and think so differently to my friends (who think I think FAR too much).
Im not entirely worried about it,Ive learned to live with it and deal with it in my own ways but it does affect my daily work adversely, ie - I feel like I hate it so much I could jump off the ladder, the thing is, it isnt a bad job and its in a nice part of the Devon countryside with nice employers who let me do what I want basically.
I have checked quite a few websites regarding adult ADHD and the symptoms list could have been written by me, infact it was a relief to see that others have the same hazy idea reel running through there head.
Any advice?
Ileach

P.S sorry for the long post.

after reading all what you have written it has made me look at how i behave and ive gotto say im VERY similar i tend to OVERTHINK and worry about stuff that aint even relavent and i cant sit still for 2 mins especially if im outta weed , if i aint doing something i gotta be sleeping and the same if i wake up i wont be going back to sleep very easyily maybe after a few joints by which time people are getting up and i gotta get up then also , IVE NEVER held a job down like you if i dont like it i tell em to stick it up there arse i get VERY frustrated with anything and anyone and get very aggresive even more so when agin i aint got weed, i find cannabis makes me feel "normal" ish better than not having by miles anyway , but you defo got me wondering if there somein wrong with me now anyway i hope you find out what ur problemo is m8 it always NICE to know for sure ,you know were u are then!!!

GOODLUCK

peace T187!!!

Some folks would say your different havin the ADHD bro..,Id say your most probably unique in some way.

my point being i used to be with a lass who tought ADHD children.and really i was amazed at the kind of work...written,art ect that some of these kids exelled in,...dunno really what point im tryin to make here bro....maybe reefer numero 1 is doin the ting like but....well good luck bro with it all...your not alone.

Can put my name to all the above mentioned, a naughty child, couldn't hold down a job, constantly questioning my relationships with g/f's friends can never relax (unless I'm in me garden or brewing). Can I say that it's the homegrown that has kept me and Mrs Sheep together for the last 6 years also held a job for nearly as long now ? I think so, do I care about a diagnosis ? not now I'm happyish in life, I'm just aiming for the acres away from the world and maybe a baby sheep or two. Chin up pal at the end of the night will be the day....
TBS

Wow, thanks for the replies guys, its nice to know that others experience the same thing.
I called the Drs at 08.20 and got an appointment at 08.50, very impressed. I had a good chat with the Dr and he is refering me to a Psychiatrist so we can have a talk. The Dr advised that there are some behavioural patterns that would certainly point towards ADD/ADHD but they could also be symptoms of other things, the fact that I have had these symptoms since Childhood was the thing that interested him most, I advised that Cannabis helps, he said "I have to advise you its illegal" but said nothing more.
Im not looking for a miracle cure, I can deal with it now, I think the main reason I want a diagnosis is that I have already lost a good life/GF/House/Friends all in one swoop due to these symptoms. My ex GF was/is a lovely person and had to deal with it for 8 years, crazy whims, mood swings and job hoping with a mortgage to pay isnt good for a Partners security.
Im also sure I can use it to my advantage, from the research Ive done it would appear that many if not most of the very succesful people in the world have ADD/ADHD but have utilised to their benefit rather than letting it be a negative in their life.
Thx again.
Ileach

Hi Ileach,

Welcome to the club - I'm a 39 year old ADHD person....diagnosed in 2002 at the Maudsley Hospital in London, and then again by a 2nd opinion from a private psychiatrist.

Like you, they kept telling me it was depression or anxiety (inability to sit still, no attention span, constant boredom, impulsive etc). I was given Seroxat, Effexor and Prozac whilst they tried stuff out, and none worked...in fact it made me a lot worse (insomnia, climbing the walls, no orgasm...shitness!). It still pisses me off to this day that they are allowed to use you as a guinea pig because there's no better way.

Anyhow, I then suggested ADHD and got referred for specialist diagnosis, which confirmed it. They prescribed me Dexedrine, which was great but a total bitch on the comedown. Way way worse than regular symptoms.....so I gave it up and now live a medication free life. Furthermore, if it wasn't for the anonymity of this place I wouldn't openly admit to it either. I have ADHD but I don't let it define me or use it as an excuse. I just smoke and take tinctures to keep me calm and not bored, and no-one needs to know.

GN

e2a: p.s. check out the 2 or 3 recent issues of Treating Yourself - both have excellent ADHD articles in them, and the medical benefits of marijuana for the adder.

I think thats the key, it is your life don't let anything or anyone else control it, but it's good to see a brave man I am shit scared of doctors so I stay away unless I'm dying, I'm sure I've read that UK420 Grandad has it (sorry if I'm wrong Grandad) too and he seems a very positive man about life.
peace and blessings
TBS

Hi GreenNinja,
thanks for the advice, I will check out Treating Yourself. Ive not yet been diagnosed however I suspect I will be, I cont discount the possibilty that my brain is just restless in some way, the Dr advised that ot may be something to do with Intelligence and lack of stimulus. As much as I love the thought of being very intelligent Im not convinced that it is intelligence that has caused the symptoms.
Im getting an appointment letter at some point to see a Psychiatrist, hopefully I will get some answers.

Im checking out some websites now on how to use ADD/ADHD or similar symptoms to my advantage.

I suggest you look up anxiety disorders.
Most probably OCD based (Pure-O)


Maybe you had ADHD as a kid and the OCD / Anxiety disorder has taken hold as you got older.
Its very common, 1 in 4 of us have some type of OCD, and not all of them manifest as physical or compulsive disorders.
Most are mental and anxiety based
Go and talk to a doc or cognitive behaviour therapist about it, im not a doctor or shrink so i don't know what's up and im guessing.
An Educated guess mind you

The most important thing is, you don't freak out an start thinking its things its not.
That would tell me yet again, its anxiety based and your thinking too much

You can beat it just with re assurance, and no the cannabis hasn't caused it.
Its extremely common

Hi ChuckRock,
thx for the input mate.
The Dr mentioned Cognitive Behaviour Therapy when we chatted this morning, Im checking out some info as I type.
Thx again.

What we tend to sum up as ADHD and other disorders are now being attributed to natural evolutionary traits. Things that evolved naturally over time in our species. It was good to have a certain percentage of our primitive groups on high alert. Quickly shifting attention from one thing to the next. It kept us safe. We just need to adapt them to modern society. The bad thing about them in modern society is when they result in anxiety and stress. Which are very bad for us. A quick google of "stress on the brain" and you will see what I mean. A lot of very unhealthy effects. This is one reason some neuroscience believe mj and alcohol are good for people. Reducing stress is very healthy for your nervous system. And believe it or not, if you were depressed as a teen, all those books you were reading could have been serving as "self-medication" as well. For what we are now realizing, all those SSRIs subscribed for depression, in a strange twist the reason they actually work are because they stimulate new nerve growth in our brains. In the same way learning does. As it turns out.... learning make us happy. Like exercise and other natural things. Behaviors that our bodies positively rewarded because they were desirable.

Cognitive therapy is a good idea and neuroscience has made giant leaps in the last decade. So I would also ask the doc what he thinks about these traits and their purpose in the evolution of our species. If he dismisses outright it I might look for someone who is more up to the times. But if he mention cognitive therapy and not some drug, it's already a step in the right direction.

I have similar "disorders" to the ones you described. I tend to do a lot of right brain activity when my brain is acting up and over thinking. I never just lay in bed and let it churn. disaster. I do Drawing/Photoshop/ and others. May sound silly but it helps me. My brain is hungry for stimulants. And strangely enough if other people are awake.... I can sleep. Like if I can here my GF and roommate chating in the other room. Strange. And an hours worth of exercise nips it in the bud and I'll sleep like a baby. Their is also a good neuroscience blog I read that constantly has updates and the most current science and schools of thoughts on these topics and more. I can send you a link if you are interested. It certainly changed the way I view my brain and body and thus how I react to them.

Sorry for the long reply. I guess I just wanted to say that you are not alone and there a very simple and practical things that can be done to if not eliminate, then at least manage your undesired symptoms.

start with ad, attention deficit, maximum 6 mins concentratiom, minimum a few seconds. inability to keep concentration when reading unless you lose yourself to it, goes for most things, all or nothing, army would be impossible. cant keep still, cant keep a job, cant concentrate when listening to people talking to you, talk lots and loud, trouble with marriage, in fact hard to keep friends, i could go on and on and on, but i'm bored now.

Hmmmm all sounds very interesting, ive got all of the above and depression, when i was bout 18 i went to the docs when i got reallly bad and he gave me

flouxatine didnt take them.. and never went back.

Now its a normal part of life, extremely annoying though becouse sometimes i get really anxiose in

some situations and dont act mself (wit goes out the window completely, renders a vacancy for a salesman/callcentre e.t.c. useless to me) its like living a

life in a prison you build yourself, the only thing i can describe it as is probably like asking a girl out for the first time when your a kid, how

you just feel as though you can't express yourself properly. i feel like that nearly every day unless i become hyper, or im around people ive known for

along time, i see that its all pathetic but honestly no matter how much i fight it i cant win..


edit and for the record i had attention deficiet desoder as a child and i started feeling loadsa different things like above since about 14, im now 25
and somthing that helped me hold a job down when i was older, was starting a grow it kept me focoused and motivated me to earn money to buy better things for the grow, and eventually i ended up with a trade in joinery and a nice set of skills

Hi Sassafras, if you could post that link I would be grateful, thanks for your input mate, appreciate it.

Grandad, Hi, do you have ADHD or ADD? Im sure someone mentioned you may have (apologies if not).
The army was impossible, they couldnt control me, in and out of jail constantly, ended up getting discharged.
Losing myself in a book is possible but it has to be the right book. Jobs are a nightmare, I want to be at work, I can get my body to go but my head just wont have it, some of the things I have done impulsively to get out of work are quite embarrasing. I then end up sitting at home staring out of the window with my head racing away, or I may do the housework very very fast which makes me feel better. Few friends really, I dont know why, I have a couple of good friends but I dont spend lots of time with them, mainly smoking buddies. Last night for the first time in a while I had a right moan at my flatmate for something really trivial, Ive learned to breath properly when I feel myself going in that direction but for some reason my brain latched onto something and wouldnt let it go. Luckily he's my cousin and good friend so he laughed it off and put it down to too much thinking.
I talk too much indeed, lots and loudly, my friends tell me Im quick witted and good with words, I think I just blurt out stuff without thinking.
I have to emphasise that Ive not been diagnosed with anything yet, it would appear that these sypmtoms are quite widespread, however I have suspected for a long time that somethng is different going on in my noggin than most folks, sometimes its like my brain is fizzing and stretching, almost a physical sensation, like thoughts are blooming/popping very fast in my mind.
My eyes are also constantly on the move, picking out every detail, my peripheral vision is 2nd to none, any small movement and Im onto it, my eyesight and hearing are excellent so any noise or movement keeps me awake or distracts me very easily.
Thx all
Ileach

Hey man

I think we all can identify with certain aspects of what you're saying. I am always geting distracted and totally identify with what you say about noticing everything in the area, like even weird things like as soon as I go in to a room I notice someone on the other side of the room, but it ALWAYS happens. Actually whilst writing this sentence I logged onto facebook and sent my mate a message whilst totally forgetting that I was writing this!!!! Thoughts are always running through my head, always. There's always drum patterns going around, dreams of doing massive canna grow rooms and I find it hard to deal with silence. I consider myself not to have a condition but that's it's just my psyche. I never got in too bad trouble as a kid my parents are very much on the straight and narrow both have degrees and that but I don't know what would've happened if I had been born somewhere else.

I'm quite sketchy and always flinch. And find it hard to get to sleep. I also find it hard to get out of bed in the morning. At the moment I don't have a job because I'm confused about what I want but I think if I could get a job that I loved then it would sort everything out for me. Have you ever had a job that you really enjoyed? Can you think of one that you would?

One that isn't illegal...

~Satta

i'm sorry i have a hard time reading long posts. my son was diagnosed as having adhd when he was very young, which made me realise me and my brother and mother all had adhd, iv'e been thinking it gets worse as i got older, but who knows, i would never take legal meds, and find comatosing with ganja slows me down, the biggest problen is acting without thought. everything i read in your post more or less confirms you have adhd, its just a matter of learning to live with it, treat all the shit as fun. i find when i'm down i can quickly pull myself up again, i never go the doctors, just sitting in the waiting room does me in. peace and understanding..

Dont go to a biological docter, search for a psychodynamic/cognitive psychologist.

anyone can shove benzodiazopines down you. that doesnt relieve the problem.

ganja and music soothes the soul, my only refuge from the pains that cruel life inflicts upon us, here i'll stay forever.afuckinmen.

Be happy you avoided the traditional treatments... Ritalin, Adarol... Was on 120 Mg a day in 90 Mg doses all the way through college, but that didn't really matter cause by the time High school had started I had gone off the 3 times a day regime and straight into abusing the hell out of it (mostly crushing/snorting it ) :waco: SO by the time I had found cannabis I had so many other things going through my bloodstream I couldn't note any of its affects on my cognitive processes...

My mother always told me "God wound you up a bit tighter than most folks"

Even by today's standards I feel medical treatment of this condition is a joke and unfortunately cannabis only helps to alleviate some of the shortcomings associated with ADHD the rest, IMHO, is up to the person who has it... So I try to find ways to cope with my faulty wiring and even in use it to my advantage (I don't know any better way to put that, but when I get to work with my head screwed on straight I rip through it quite effectively)... Don't look at the ledger in my check book to see how much money I have but, ask me what my bottom line is and I know it to the penny

I almost think your better off NOT knowing you have it as a child and finding out about it later only to have mentally adjusted/adapted to it, vs. the trenches they sent me down here take this pill and you'll be fine...

Thanks so very much for all your replies guys, more helpful that you will ever know, its such a releif to be able to type these things without feeling embarrased or stupid, Im not even sure I could tell my mates all these things without strange looks. I know that to some extent or another most People get these symptoms in daily life, so when I try and tell People whats going on they invariably say "Everybody gets that..........yadda yadda." trying to put across its intensity and relentlessness is impossible to those who dont know or havent experienced similar. So being able to put these thoughts and emotions down on a forum like this is invaluable to me. A weight of my shoulders if you like.
Ive been doing some research nto Meditation, Yoga and TaiChi, there is some interestng stuff there however Im not sure I could actually sit still to Meditate so Yoga or Tai Chi may help to keep my mind in the here and now. One thing I do want is to stay away from Prescription Meds and other poisons.


Grandad - Acting without thought is without doubt the one thing that has caused me more issues than anything, leaving Jobs impulsively, spending money that I shouldnt on things I dont need, saying "Yes" to helping People do things that I dont want to do, invariably end up trying to worm my way out of it which makes me feel even worse. Im also a terrible daydreamer, Ive lost days and days deep in thought staring out of the window then suddenly I will book a trip to Cambodia and just dissapear, or pack my bags and move somewhere. Im now on the South Coast of England, as far south as I can go so now if I move Ive got to work my way back up the Country, or go to the Continent, I just cant settle down.

Thanks again, UK420 rocks.
Ileach

Glad to hear im not the only one who did that at school. Never had add/adha but two of my m8's did and they used to save up their days pills and we used to crush em and snort em. it got to the point where we were going round getting the other kids to save up and give us their ritalin( was at a kind of special school for peeps with learning/behavioural problems so a lot of ADHD kids there. I always wondered what effect they have had on me, i know they used to do f all when snorted, hell im not sure they did a great deal for my m8's when they occasionally had to take them in the presence of a school nurse.(they started gettin a bit suspicious after a year of them just getting their pills and not takin em in the medical room) Feel like a rite tit for doing it but ffs they give you a drug at school called met-amphetamine, what do they expect. dont think it has had any negatives really but i've done a lot of other real drugs so it's hard to say. Just really glad that someone else has been through it. I dont feel quite as much of a monster now.

Did it actually do anyhting? I remember walking round school and being in lessons with a fucking brick of the stuff stuck in the back of my nose/throat used to hurt like hell and make me reach if i would take a big sniff to clear it. but as for it actually having an effect? idk.

I think many people who have these conditions dont require any medical treatment its more a case of being able to suit their needs/skills to something that they can do rather than forcing them to tow the line like everyone else people are different why do we all ave to learn the same things and have the same set of basic skills when not all people are capable of having the same skills.. for instance my m8 lew couldnt sit still for five mins in science, english, maths hisory etc etc class ritalin or not, but get him in a music studio or art room and he would spend hours creating, ok it was never what the teacher would want him to create but it would be good and it was someting that he really got into i.e. no chucking board rubbers at teachers or arguing or the most common for all lessons other than pe, music or art just getting sent to stand outside the Head's office, which he never did, just used to fuck off into town or go and get stoned. Our first art teacher understood the best way to deal with my m8 and others was to let them just do what they wanted (make or paint whatever) rather than forcing them to do syllabus work and the results were often an hour of peace and quiet that we got in no other lessons (bar music, same teacher ) and often the work they'd come out would be wicked.

We got a new teacher for art and music who didn't understand how to play the game and would physically sit my m8 down in his chair and stand over him to make sure he was doing exactly what he was told to be doing. trouble is as soon as teacher had to go deal with someone elses query or problem lew was up outta his chair smearing those lino printing inks on teachers seat or in her bag or just fucking off out the lesson or something. Think its other peoples ignorance of your needs that causes the problems not the disorder itself. They dont force one legged men to do the hurdles so why force a creative free thinking mind to create to a template or think inside the box. also i think a lot of the problems adult adhd sufferers face stem enirely from incorrect "treatment" of the disorder at schooling age. i.e. medication and punishment rather than education and creativity.

Creative minds do think a lot. Maybe its not a disorder maybe its evolutionary. due to the fact we've (as a species) have been dumbed down over the years and now some peoples brains are just saying "look there is all this stuff to think about and do its not just x factor and pop idol. what the fook is going on?"

Hope you find your inner peace m8, and remember its not wrong to be different.

All the best.

i know what you meen when you say I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THEM thats exactly how i feel after reading your post.i ended up on the hard gear before tokin weed.Started on ecstasy.There is no way i am letting a doctor give me anti depressants when on the other hand he gives people with dodgy livers paracetamol.And cant supply the best medicines for conditions be it legal or economical.

im in the same shoes as u buddy i thought i was goin mental my smoke seems to take it all away but gimme a day without an u probably wouldnt wanna know me looks like im smokin weed for the rest of my life as i aint goin no doctor they aint got a clue my kid has ADHD he has been diagnosed for about five years now but now he is sixteen there tellin us he now has ODD reading up on the two of them i would say he has had ODD all along and u treat them differently sp basically for the last five years ive been makin my son worse sorry for ramblin on peace

but it has a good side, illness dont keep me down, i shrug viruses of easily, part of me cant age, i still do an energetic job, because of my past i have to work untill i'm 100 years old, and thats my aim, it magic to be sitting hear this high, listening to jimmy hendrix, feeling like i'm ageless. and now for the first time since my early 20's my life has settled into some type of hazy dream, i have lots of debt, all under control, i have a job i can keep working as long as my health holds, i work my own hours, freedom on my job to do it my way, i still work 6 days every week, no holidays apart from bank holidays, i'm in my element.

i too can identify with these symptoms even though i have never really thought about it before today. i was a nightmare when i was younger. got kicked outta schools pretty regularly and i have never held a job down for more then 6 months.I too have done some silly things just to get outta school or work. I constantly get the feeling that im waiting for friends or for a certain time of day. waiting for dinner time.....waiting for bed etc and it can be very frustrating. i find it really hard to sleep, but even harder to get up in the morning i dont seem to have many friends anymore and have been single for over a yr now.
nowdays, if im not stoned my thoughts/feelings pop into my brain so fast that i find it hard to control. i almost feel safer when im stoned.
to attention span is soo bad that is has taken me about half an hr to write this. i wrote it in 2 parts and had to come back to it.
to be fair. i dont know why i have written this i cant really offer any advice or help....i think i just wanted to get it off my chest

GOOD LUCK MATE
hope you get it sorted