Hello peeps, hope you all had a nice week and hope you have a great weekend

I am gonna lawn the back of my house, at the moment its bricks in a pattern on the floor. I got two choices, I either remove the bricks and put top soil down or I smash the bricks to form a sort of hardcore layer and then I add top soil. The inner child wants to go and buy a sledge hammer and knock the fuck out of the bricks like a crazed mad man. Is this the wrong thing to do? The natural drainage seems pretty good in the back.

Are there any other things I should be aware of when turfing it ? Do I need a weed sheet down? My research has told me I need to leave the top soil to settle for as long as poss before I lawn it, so the plan is to attack it tomorrow then lawn in a fortnight.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Peace

Martin

NOOOO......defo go buy a hammer,..ya only live once eh.

always found using grass seeds on the top soil, rather than rolls of turf takes better. much cheaper too. seen some new build housing sites where the turf is just thrown down, so it looks ok for a couple of weeks, but never really establishes itself.

My commiserations - just pour bleach or dog piss all over it - it should expire quietly and humanely while shuffling off this mortal plane.

.....

Its hammer time baby...all the gangsters and hoes say HEY!

Wouldn't smash the bricks, would take them up. Perpare the soil well (ideally use a rotavator, but if that's not an option then dig it well & turn it over, as if ready for planting seeds). When laying turf get some planks so that if you have to walk over laid stuff your weight is spread out, if you walk straight on turf as you're laying it you'll muller it. Fertilise well. Lay it staggered, like laying bricks (ie don't have the ends of the turf rolls all flush, stagger them). Don't stretch the turf - push it don't pull it when joining. Make sure the turf is flush with the soil, no air gaps (use the planks to firm it down). Water it HEAVILY as soon as laid (but use a sprinkler head on the hose to water evenly). Then after a few days walk it down and ensure it's well watered.

E2A I've helped my mate who runs a gardening buisiness lay a few lawns, and they've all come out well.

Booj, thats pretty much what me mate said, he is a builder, almost verbatim. He was 50/50 as to whether I take them up though he did say it might be better. I want to smash the fuckers though cause otherwise I got to get rid of a load of bricks. Would it be a shit job if I smashed them up and dug them in with the top soil?

Either way is fine really, its up to you. However if you do decide to have a riot and smash the bricks to bits, bear in mind you will need more soil, as it won't settle as evenly.
You shouldn't go for straight topsoil, but rather a rootzone mix or ideally a 60/40 or 50/50 ratio. This settles better, and is the sand in the mix helps with the drainage. Buy quality to avoid shite like knotweed or other none smoking weeds in the mix...

As for the 'scaping, rake it to what you think is a reasonably level plain and the stamp it in. Literally heel and toe stamping the entire thing. Then lightly rake it again and allow it to settle. Repeat this several times. Get incredibly anal by using bits of wood, string and spirit level for a truly flat surface.

A little pre-seeder fertiliser is always good too. NPK or a specific pre-seeder.

I can explain the turfing bit too if you like but i think i'm beginning to get a bit geeky..

Cool guys

Its a grand old site innit, whether you want to turf your back garden, share your hemorrhoid problems, or grow herb

Happy times

You could take the bricks to a reclamation yard Martin.

I cant drive at the moments because the cunts took me license from me, I don't fancy carrying them

if you do smash the fuckers up remember to wear goggles . safety first safety second
but it might make more work for you getting the final job level..

if you can get em out in one peice ,you could put a ''free hardcore'' sign at the front.

or freecycle them

They might pick them up,worth a call,old bricks are worth good money.

'Will swap assorted misshapen and broken bricks and stones for tinned reclaimed meat products - winner must collect.'

¿Why'd you lose your license, Martin?

What Boojum said.. plus, if you have the time to let your top soil settle, water it at night, then next day lightly rake uneven areas even. do this every other night for as long as you can, and you could end up with a beautifully flat lawn..
You can use an old carving knife to cut the turfs..good luck.

Heeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy....

put the bricks on ebay as "slightly used"

I'll be sporting my Elvis goggles for the whole mission

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DVLA said I never fucking had one in the first place, even though they know I passed my test. I got pulled by a copper earlier in year and they asked for a license which I never had, just thought I never needed it, but apparently you do.

Martin mate,

You aint gonna have a new lawn in a couple of weeks.........this is what I would do.

Proper way this time of year would be to remove your slabs.....leave it for a week or 2.....remove all the weeds that grow up by the roots, then dig the area over and turn the soil by about a half blade depth of a spade, remove any roots you find and big stones.

Rake the area so it looks flat...then walk all over with your heels in first, so it compacts a bit, then rake again so it's all level, you can then lay turf (several different qualities available) or I would recommend a seed (again differnt stuff available) that will give you a good lawn for years to come, you will need to keep birds away if you use seed a few old CD's on some string across the plot will do.

Sprinkle a few Cheese plant in the borders and the jobs a good un.

JOM

Just paint it green much easier

Hi Martin

Are the bricks nice to look at? red or something ?

Could they be laid around an edge somewhere ?

Build a Barby !

hb

They look alright HB but I got a big BBQ anyway so I doubt I could use them. I could probably put some around the edge but there are lots of bricks as I got two large flower beds built either side of the garden so there is gonna be too many for just a border.

¿So you're saying that you thought that you didn't need an actual physical drivers license because it was on record that you'd passed your test?

That strikes me as being a bit of an unwise assumption to make - ¿how are they going to enforce points and producers etc., if people drive around having passed their tests but don't actually possess driving licenses?

pfffft!

Fucking DVLA. Fucking Swansea. The idea to have a 2 part license is fucking retarded as well....

I passed my test 10 years ago, moved to Hong Kong, spent a few years out of my mind and basically never thought about it. I always paid my insurance etc and I never got caught for speeding so it just went from there. I knew it would come to an end at some point after I found out I needed to resit my test again because it was outside of the 3 years the DVLA give you to claim your license. Cut a long story short, the thought of doing my test again did not really interest me, I thought I would wait till I got caught for something. Sadly I got caught for something so I got to do my test again.

Ahh - right, gotcha.

¿What'd you do in HK, how long were you there for - sounds like you might have some adventures to tell?

Was there on and off for a few years, the longest I spent there was around 2002-2003. I had a grand old time drinking like a bastard and eating McDonalds, pretty much all day, everyday, with a bit of work here and there.

e2a -(Scribble) I worked on getting a few IT products off the ground for a large hardware manufacturer

Destroyed a shed this morning, gonna do what ratdog said and build a BBQ with the bricks where the shed used to be. Bricks are all coming up easy and its sharp sand underneath so I will break that up a bit for drainage and then top soil it.

I never used to do owt like this till I joined this site I used to pay someone else to do it but I enjoy it now.

Get digging matey - this is probably the only chance to improve the soil and remove some of the buried rubbish before it goes under grass. Buried hardcore will lead to dead turf above when the soil dries out in the summer, so get a really good digging fork and turn over the whole area properly to a forks depth. Work from back to front, and pile the shit behind you. If you can incorporate some organic material into this sub layer you will require less topsoil and have a healthy, more drought resistant lawn.

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I am sweating like a bastard Note the big forest on the right

Good luck Martin,looks like you got your work cut out mate ,it`ll be well worth it though.


E2a,Those ladies are looking rather lovely.

That's not going to be easy to dig over. Do you have a pickaxe?

Hopefully you'll find a layer of hardened but breakable sand only about 2inch thick overlaying relatively stone free soil..
Now is a good time to consider the location of any underground drains, cables etc. - before the pickaxe bit is always best.

The garden has naturally good drainage. Other folk round here have good lawns so I am gonna break up the sharp sand as best I can then get me top soil over it.

e2a - Cheers ratdog, they are a lovely shade of green and thick as you like. Its gonna be a good crop they stink now too

Bloody hell geeza, you have been busy

and it took me 3 goes to notice the plants , looking fooking good
mind you , i was viewing the page on my mobile the first time ..

Down to the last 6 bricks but the fuckers do not want to come out. A few swear words have been heard by the neighbours. Top soil will be going down soon. I am fucked

Re laid our garden this year Just as the last piece of turf went down, the mini heatwave started, and it cost us a small fortune to water it every day
rotivated the old lawn, removed any weeds and big stones. Leveled off as best I could. Left it for 6 weeks coz I couldn't be arsed to do it. Got out the lawn mower to remove the odd high spot (this works fucking brilliant, but the neighbours think your a twat for mowing soil ). laid down the turf and found out we hadn't got enough ordered a load more and laid that. Kept dogs off for 3 weeks which was nigh on impossible. kept finding "hotspots" where the dog had pissed on new lawn. bought "dogrocks" for dogs water.

.....withnailed

Burton

Just Googled those 'dogrocks' and they seem to be Aussie-made from actual rocks - so, you put them in the dog's water bowl, and they somehow stop the dead patches in the lawn.

¿How on earth do they do that - by taking the Nitrogen products like Urea out of the dog's piss - but how?

Fuck knows how they work but they do
Only problem we have now is when the inlaws bring their little fucker round and we have dead grass a day or two later. Have heard that tomatoes have the same effect but I've never tested it.

B

The only explanation I can find is: 'the rocks are paramagnetic and they change the way the minerals of the water are taking the nitrogen levels down in the urine.' - which is a load of pseudo-scientific bollocks, to put it mildly...

¿But you say that they deffo work for your dogs? Weird.

Right, in order to save my marriage from collapse, is there an easy way to get 2 tonne of top soil through the house from front to back?? I have been using the wheely bin but its fucking murder, especially after a hard days graft. Any tips anyone? Am I better off just doing it bucket by bucket? I am slightly losing the plot now.

Dust sheets and a wheel barrow,any of your neighbours builders?

Nice one ratdog. gonna go and root one out, if not I will take the £30 hit at the B&Q, cant believe I was so stupid not to think of a wheel barrow.

The Wheelie bin...

I would get rid of the bricks, strange salts etc, then get the top soil down. Might be an idea to leave the topsoil for a week or so, just to see if there's anything growing, which you can get rid of. Go see the turf laid elsewhere, there's huge differences in standard (even more so in top soil, if you're having that brought in) then lay as described in other posts.

Fucking wheely bin !!!!!!!!!

I'm tight..... but a fucking wheely bin!!!!!!!!!

a big roll of plastic and a wheelbarrow (but mind the walls or she will have you!!)

Put tommy K in the food!

Hi Martin...

I've not real the whole thread, so apologies if I'm repeating anything...

I repatched my lawn this year and I got a wicked result. I used premium topsoil and DEFRA approved hardwearing grass, and within 2 weeks the patched grass looks a bazillion times better than the rest of the lawn!!

Put the topsoil down, water it thoroughly, leave overnight to settle. Next day make sure you LEVEL it properly, using a string and a board is easy enough. Then liberally sprinkle in your grass seed...basically coat it. At this point I put a 2mm layer of coco over it, to keep the birds off and to keep the seeds moist to germ. I preferred coco to more topsoil because it's finer and easier to deal with....and it worked really well....highly recommended.

Then, water it daily....although with this weather you don't need to - sunshine, rain, sunshine cycles are perfect. You know the drill...they're seeds....warm and wet

About a week later you get grass sprouts and very quickly after that it fills in, looking lush and lovely. There's guy on eBay who sells amazing seed - PM me if you want the details.

HTH

GN