I don't want to cry, it doesn't seem to bring about any solutions to any of my problems, even if its good to cry sometimes. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Music is about the only thing that interests me, keeps me interested; brings me happiness.
What if there was a way for me to not need cannabis at all?
What if there was a way to feel better without having to grow illegal plants, or spend £10 a day on mediocre goods. I don't know the strain of the plant, genetic information, how it was grown, where it was grown, I know NOTHING about what I buy that helps me out so much. Educational courses for things I'm good at, Computers/Electronics/Photography/Art, I can't stay interested in them anymore, they just seem boring. I'm so bored, so shaky. Mum says what if there are health care professionals that are pro-cannabis? Who might be sympathetic towards the way I feel....but I don't want sympathy, I want understanding. Cannabis is being legalised gradually in parts of America, why can't we understand as a nation that cannabis is not a drug like cocaine/crack/speed/E/heroin, its just a plant. It helps so many. it does less harm than alcohol to your body. I don't want to spend years trying to reform my countries cannabis laws, I don't want to stop smoking it, I enjoy it so much.

All I have as an outlet for my energy/talents/skills is my guitar which I haven't done anything with since I bought it years ago, which is currently being re-stringed at a shop. I want to learn to play so well.

I need cannabis.

Moving country & trying my luck with their judicial system can't be my only other option. I love England.

CBT/DBT/Talking therapies - what do they actually do for me? I need to be interested, passionate about something. Talking about how I can learn to cope with myself isn't going to get me anywhere. Cannabis interests me the most in life, but that's illegal, so what education/jobs can I get to do with that? I'm good at computers, always have been, fast typist, but even they just bore me now. Not stimulating enough. I don't feel interested enough to do hardly anything.

I feel too scared to try to approach a health care professional with my honest views, opinions, wants & needs. Even if they agree that cannabis MIGHT help SOME people, they can't legally aid me in any way that would be seen to be promoting cannabis use, all of the things I've been offered in the past involve cutting cannabis use as a prerequisite for joining a course that might help me to feel better.

The majority (if not all) health care professionals will tell me that smoking cannabis will not help my anxiety/depression/boredom/stress at all, and may in fact make it worse.

In some parts of America I might be able to get a prescription for cannabis, be able to choose from many different laboratory grown genetic strains, and get to talk about it with people who know more about it than I do. Only in my dreams.

I'm 20 years old, apparently very intelligent, bright, able, but I'm at the point of tears every day because of all these problems I have with living a day to day life.

I wish someone could help me.

To be honest mate it sounds like you need less pot and more physical labour...
To much dope and not enough excercise/doing stuff leads to you being pretty miserable. It's a sunny day outside mate - cheer up.

You could have a lot worse stuff happening to you. Grow a little bit of nice pot so you don't run out, and get a trade.
Dope is only good if you use it doing something you enjoy, or afterwards. Just dope won't make you happy.


Have a nice day bro.

Thanks for the speedy reply, and words of advice. I keep active, lots of fruit, veg. Help my mother/father out with gardening/housework....I'm doing all that people tell you to do to stay healthy...
With all due respect, i'm not sure how getting a job on a building site would make me happier...If there was a solution so simple, I'm sure I would have done it by now.

man you have my sympathy you sound on the edge

Chin-up dude,hope all pans out nice

how long have you smoked pot for? i say this because i have smoked for many years now and i do think its changed me. made me hell of alot more lazy and cant really be bothered to do anything. try cutting down on the pot smoke abit less then normal or smoke one after you have done something that needs to be done. feels alot better.

Hi Viva

Welcome to UK420

You say your only outlet is your guitar? Are you not interested in anything else? Does nothing else get you excited?

I am no expert but I would say that cannabis is not the solution to your perceived problems to be honest. You say you get bored with things? Why don't you join a band? Why don't you go busking? Cannabis isn't a magic wand that will suddenly make you interested in things that you were not interested in before, it might open some peoples minds up a little bit when playing music or other creative activities etc. but it isn't going to solve someones problem of not being interested in anything. Have you had depression diagnosed? I am not having a go, just a question, not being interested in anything can sometimes be a symptom of being a bit down or depressed. Have you always had a lack of interest in most things?

Plenty of good folk on here to help you out by the way.

EDIT - Also you say you are "Apparently" intelligent? Do you not think you are? Or do you rely on others to tell you that you are?

Sorry you feel like that mate - 20's young to feel that depressed

I think andypotatoes has a fair point as far as physical excercise goes,the brain which makes you feel like that is just part of the body

Some sort of work may well help if you can get it, even if it's not what you wanna do for the rest of your life.

You don't need cannabis, none of us need it - I feel confident saying that as an MS-er. I dread running out of herb as much as anyone, but it won't kill me. I'm on my last jar of my crop now but I'll go without rather than rely on skanky damp £10 bags.

I'd work with the stuff you still enjoy Music springs to mind, get on that guitar when it's restringed, even if you don't feel like it

Is there any way you can get a grow on ? Aside from the joy of smoking your own it's such an engrossing hobby.

All the best mate, hope you get to feeling better soon

e2a just saw your reply above, but the rest of my 2p I'd stand by. Specially the guitar - as Martin says you could start/join a band and/or busk.

As far as getting bored goes, we all do. Press on with stuff you think's worthwhile though, ignore the boredom - don't let it rule you. I'm trying to fight the boredom of being temporarily housebound and smoke only goes so far in helping with that. As everyone seems to be saying above, weed doesn't solve everything, far from it

Theres more to life than cannabis mate, you really need some interests which will get you out and about and mixing with other people. Night classes are good to find people intrested in similar things to yourself, but you would have to keep the cannabis side hush hush. A bit of minge could be picked up and lift your spirits immensely,
joe

I've been diagnosed with depression & anxiety. I was put on all the medications you could possibly think of, together with all of the talking therapies, solo & group that you could imagine, to try to help me. The meds screwed me up, the talking therapies didn't help.

Problem is, once you get diagnosed with depression/anxiety, cannabis is seen as the enemy.

I wake up, I exercise, I eat right, but I feel aggrivated, irritated, pissed off, annoyed. I don't feel happy, I feel like I'm wasting myself, but yet nothing seems interesting enough to pursue, other than what I've mentioned previously

Join the army

It will change your life

I've got a girlfriend, she has 2 kids. She enjoys smoking cannabis, and feels miserable without it, too. Cannabis isn't the answer, it isn't a magic wand. It does help the way I feel though. When I find something that I'm really interested in, I naturally want to smoke less, so that I can retain more information on what I'm so interested in.

I live in a 2 bedroom flat, I might be able to cultivate 1 plant, but it'd stink the block of flats out, and I'd probably get ratted out anyway.

Hiya

Get a carbon filter for the stink. I had a 'home assessment' yesterday and she didn't notice anything - we just cleared the bongs and stuff out the living room and our spare room (where the drobe is) was just closed. In the unlikely event that they asked about every room we just had our story straight to say it's for storage and too cluttered for me to go in anyway. You can hide a nice little grow in a 2 bedroom flat, we do

I agree CBT and other talk stuff is of variable efficacy, meds too

All the best

firstly join us in saying fuck the government and theyre rediculous rules, grow your own.

then have a read of this site when your bored learn how to grow your own natural mood enhancer/medicine/stash its the earths gift to you grow your own, think about if you can safely grow it indoors or be quick on reading and getting seeds and get a plant or five outdoors for this summer...

think possitive, its the basic of every therapy, distract your self from your bad thoughts and try to think possitive...

cut down on weed, even if its only stopping smoking in the morning/day and just smoking in the evening or something, remember that yea its a natural safe herb but it can be abused and become a negative thing just like any drug can legal or not... its a great thing to be stoned and my saying is why be sober, but it cant be good clouding our minds too often or constantly? just think about the benefits of saving money on crappy gear, by buying less often...

or even better, try and quit weed all together untill harvest day... that way you can clear your mind, have time to attempt to find new hobbies, which you wont while stoned i know, and then when harvest day comes by then it would have mellowed from a need or 'addiction' down to a hobby to smoke again... plus then your tolerance will be lower and it will be top gear cos youve grown it and cured it and taken care of it instead of it being wet and shitty.

good luck

Hi there mate,
If you do want to do a one plant grow, get yourself some CFL's A couple auto-flowering seeds and a carbon filter.
You don't always have to have a super sofistacted grow room check out this diary, it could inspire you.
You can just do an outdoor grow, the way nature intended. You could take up hiking as a hobby and scout for spots to grow at your local woods.

it wouldnt, fuck that...... and look at all the people reading this mate! we all feel the same here, like you eloquently described - just to different degrees.
The best remedy is to grow your own

Hi Viva, I kinda understand how you feel but on a smaller level. I went through a big stage of doing not much but smoke the good old herb. I lost interest in things very fast including playing my guitar and started questioning every in my life and what the hell I was doing with myself but couldn't find the interest or motivation to go out and do anything about it. I too was interested in computers etc from an early age and took a uni course which I dropped out of after a year because it just didn't feel like it was the right thing for me. I never smoked alot of weed during uni so wasn't sure if it was the culprit or whether or not it was just my personality. Since leaving uni I smoked every day but then made a big choice to join the police (no pig comments please) and so I quit smoking weed for 6 months. First few weeks were difficult but soon enough my head was clear and I started to look at life in a different way and I felt more worthwhile because I was striving for something. However I was rejected by the stinky piggy filth but used my new found energy to start my own business which has made me so happy. I now only smoke at weekends with mates and cant wait to start my own grow hobby soon. Having too much time on your hands to do nothing but smoke and think can really do your head in. All I can say is what worked for me, cutting down on the smoke and putting my mind to something more constructive.


Better get back to work now, laters.

You've had some good and helpful advice here viva, but from your first post and subsequent replies you don't seem to be keen on doing anything to help yourself. The only thing you say you are passionate about is cannabis but you don't want to grow it to supply yourself with clean cheap weed, as people on this site do. I'm confused as to what you wanted from this thread when you started it

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude when I'm talking to you, MS?MJ! :-

The only reason as to why I haven't started growing before is that, living with a girlfriend and her 2 kids, having "mental issues" - if i'm found growing, they might decide that my gf is unfit to look after her kids, or me living with them is unfit for bringing them up. You tell me I'm not keen on helping myself? thanks. I DO want to grow it, I want to supply myself till I die. I'm not asking for you to provide me with a magic pill/bullet, I just wanted to hear from people other than my family/gf

OK, well if you don't want to grow and you have a documented medical condition that is helped by cannabis have you asked your doctor about Sativex?

Sativex, manufactured synthetic cannabis? No thanks, I'd rather have the real thing. Don't worry about me worrying or growing, doesnt matter anymore

Sativex is not synthetic, it's made from whole extract of cannabis plant

thanks for the replies about growing, it's given me more confidence. as for the replies about jobs/smoking less, I know, I understand, thank you.

I think someone suggested above that, in lieu of a grow, you can research the feasibility of one in your situation right away - I found that almost as exciting as growing has been since. You might be surprised what's possible in your space - talk it through with your girlfriend and if she's up for it too then job's a good'un

When we started a coupla years back I'd just nearly died from ADEM and I could only walk a few yards - I've been effectively stuck inside in a 2 bedroom flat since then but sometimes it's all good due to 420 and the friendly peeps here I have a fascinating hobby and weed nicer than I could buy now Even when I relapsed and they diagnosed MS I was having a laugh on here

Immerse yourself in 420 mate

e2a my memory of 'relapse' is inseperable from the kick off to fuck thread The other horrors are easier to ignore if you can laugh

Go and have a chat with Bodders, that will cheer you up big style

It did me

woops.

You are too kind MS?MJ! unfortunately for viva I'm not




Sounds to me like you were looking for someone to supply you? If so then this is not the site for you. This site is about growing your own and being self-sufficient. If you want to dump the dealer then this is the site to learn how to do it

If you are concerned about your partner and her kids (and that stops you growing) then why are you still using cannabis?

Nah, not looking for someone to supply me. I don't need you to give me advice on the misses and the children. Topic closed, sorry for wasting your time, thanks for the replies

viva,

I was going through something very similar when I was 20. I'd just dropped out of university and was working a shitty job with a horrible boss, doing shitty hours so I could never find time to socialise. Smoking joints all day, before work, even AT work, you name it. I never wanted to do aything but smoke spliffs and mong out listening to really horrible misanthropic music. I realised I had to do something but was in no position to follow through any of my plans immediately. What I did start to do though, after recognising my problems, was start to gradually move towards a more mentally healthy lifestyle. I hunted for and found a job (easier said than done in 2009 I know) that meant I could live in the daytime like everyone else, I started only smoking after I'd achieved one thing for the day, and whenever I had a problem I would immediately try and find a solution, rather than dwell on it. From there I've gradually just passed the time and improved day by day until I was happy enough to just get on with life and so it seems my depression was beaten. I gradually improved in jobs, moving from one to the next where now I have a job I'm very happy with. I continued smoking weed and will always love the herb, I became more involved with the scene, reading about cannabis and becoming friends with growers and the like, got out more (an important one), and now have met a girl who I love, and who smokes as much as me, have started a touring heavy metal band and have had a great time playing live shows, meeting new people and getting wrecked on a reular basis. I'm still not really interested as a hobby in anything other than cannabis (and canna culture), rock music and computer games, I just do the things I find fun and making money or being outstanding at anything comes after that.

I also found a big step in overcoming feelings of depression was a mushroom trip I had in Amsterdam few years ago. It was totally intense and not particularly pleasant, but the places my mind went on that trip and the things I discovered while there have really helped me to develop. I wouldn't recommend this for everyone though, this is just my personal experience.

I still don't fit in with typical UK society particularly well, or want to, but I am very happy with who I am and what I'm choosing to do with my time on Earth.

My advice to you then would be to:

Cut down on the weed, just have a spliff or two in the evening after tea while watching TV or something.
Get more fresh air and exercise
Take up cookery - this is great to do while stoned and is a valuable lifelong skill
Join a forum or two and get involved with the things that do interest you (pretty redundant point since you're here already)
Strengthen the bonds you have with your friends and family
Spend more time in the company of animals
Create something, be it music, art or just a really fancy spliff
As someone else said, look into growing weed even if you can't do it at this moment in time.
Every now and again, plan out and follow through an extrememly indulgent blowout of a day. Have some mates over, and smoke a shitload of nice ganja, tell jokes, listen to reggae, play videogames, whatever floats your boat man. Just don't do that every day.


Best of luck in overcoming your problems man.

^^^^ WERD^^^^


Get a Job mate... It will sort ya headout NO END!
Its not the work that makes you happy...
It's the rest at the end of the day and the feeling of achievement, as well as keeping your mind active.
TRY IT

p.s How are you planning to support your family....

NO ONE wants to get up in the morning and get down a building site.. but we have responibilitys.. even more so with children.

A bit of minge could be picked up and lift your spirits immensely, HAHAHAHAHA nice one

Agreed, it did me a world of good when i started working, gets you out meeting new people and your always busy, your minds always doing something, and then you can go to sleep easily. im out of work now though n its a bit shit

Yo dude,

you just sound like you need to get out and do stuff. Go down a pub, make some friends, find a hobby. dont just stay living with your parents moping around. get a job and live your own life. become independant, have reason to get your ass out of bed in the morning.

just try and get out of the way your thinking and be positive about some things. lifes not boring dude and you only get one. it's what you make of it, don't waste it

I agree with most of the other people who've commented and, in fact, retyping it might even be a waste, but really, a job or some other focal point sounds like what you need. We all get bored and green is a good way to overcome it in the short-term. Long-term, however, it's very different. Try cutting back on how much you're smoking, put the money to one side, get a part time job and see if you can save up for a trip to the 'dam or somewhere you'd enjoy. You're going to feel a lot happier working towards a goal and achieving. Best of luck

ICTHC

YO YO - I'm 27 and have smoked daily for the past 15 years, the latter 8 of those were 'wake and bake' high quality bud endeavors. My life was cannabis, all my friends call me chronic and I was, and still am to many known as a n0.1 pot head. I cannot begin to explain how much i have smoked and the frequency at which ive done so, besides im not hear to brag am here to tell you my story.
I've always held a job down although ive been sacked more times than I care to remember. Work was always the answer to a eigth a day and even more at weekends, if i could count the amount of money Ive spend on bud over the years i'd be a very rich man now if I hadnt smoked it all away. I was earning 18-20k 3 years ago and two weeks into the month i'd have nothing to show for it exect a tick tab till next pay day. Thats how much I smoked, allot. Like I said cannabis was my life, I lived and breathed it, I loved it! Without a bud in my pocket I felt naked.
These past three years after I was made redundant my smoking got worse, I grew some bud and developed a taste for the finer strains. I sought out and relished Hazey buds and loved the heady THC high. I went in and out of work for periods and filled my time with artistic pursuits following my interestets. My life was good I thought. yeah I was lazy, yeah I was self endulged, yeah I had lots of friends.
About a year ago I noticed I was getting deeper and deeper into my own thoughts, I mean when you smoke all the time your intouch with your mind, you know what to expect from smoking loads of bud, the kind of mindest it gives you. And I noticed that I would often, more than before, get lost in my own thoughts I get carried away over thinking things that would often be pointless and end up getting me knowhere. I started to realise that maybe my 'valuable friend' was starting to become a foe!
Things progressed and I kept saying I'd give up, i'm gonna give up soon, but when it's all youve known for so long and you think your so inlove with it its a very hard thing to do, give. Things kept moving on and I was still smoking expreinceing some strange affects. I found I was having problems getting to sleep. When i was in bed even if i hadnt smoked for half a day my thoughts would run away with themselves. I started to realise that, well infact i'd known that I had some form of physcosis for a while, you can smoke like that and not know that it bends your mind in that way its kind of a side effect i guess of being a pot head. What im trying to say is that before it was always manageable, but now it was getting out of hand, i started getting paranoid when I went to sleep if i could feel my heartbeat I starting thinking something was up and it'd trigger the uncontolable thoughts which at this stage were focused on my dieing. When I say uncontrolable I mean not being able to get them out of yopur head, they flood your mind and no matter what you try and do you cant banish them, they consume you. Not being able to get to sleep through runaway thinking, i kept on smoking during the day shrugging it off, and it kept getting worse. Soon I was having these uncontrolable thoughts at points through out the day, these would be focused around silly things like when I was drinking a cup of tea with a tea spoon in it all of a sudden I think about choking on the teas spoon, or if touched a knife or a blade I'd think about cutting myself, not the actual process of cutting but the bleeding etc, or even if i was out walking on the street and i went past a sharp corner on someones fench I'd think about having fallen onto it. These uncontolable thoughts that were popping into my head seemed to fucus around accidents, with me being the recipient. I could see the pattern but at the same time couldnt stop smoking even though i had reduced in light of these symptons. You know the saying ' once a pot head, always a pot head' or 'you can't teach and old dog new tricks'? Overwise things were good in my life though and I could see no reason why I was afflicked by such thoughts other than smoking, I had no outlaying stress going on or owt like that.

Anyway just after christmas, a normal day like any other, at night I smoked a spliff one of a few that day and went to bed at about midnight as I was feeling tired. I battled through my uncontolable thoughts as I'd gotten used to this process and got used to kind of expecting and managing them. At about 3am I awoke from sleep sweating I was very restless and couldnt keep still. Nothing like this had even happend to me before, I was finding it increasingly harder to breath and upon felling my pulse my heart seemed to be going very fast! I was so restless my girlfriend had woken up, and she asked me if i was ok, i said yes dont worry its just some headfuck stuff, she told me I didnt look well at all. This made me feel worse and i told her i was worried about my heart and I couldnt breath very well. She took my pulse and said 'I think you should go to hospital'! Normally id manage this by thinking to my self it was cos of the weed, your ok, calm down etc, but i couldn't. I said ok i think we should go!
So off we rushed to A&E at 3am in the morning. I told them I was having difficulting breathing and my heart was all over the place. 5 mins later, btw those five minutes were the longest of my life, i was called through. They took my pulse then following that decided to hook me up to and ECG heart trace, i was till having problems breathing and was told to take deep controlled breaths. she took me off the ECG and told me I was fine, go and wait back in the waiting room.
I had calmed down by now and was breathing more normally, we waited 20 mins or something and i was feeling normal, ok. Then it dawned on me what had happended. This was the subconsious climax to all those uncontrolable thoughts id been experiencing over the past few months, they'd all built up to this point and i'd had a massive panic attack. I felt so stupid. I went back into the doctors area and told them i was felling ok and was going home. A&E was busy and the doctor sifted through all the paperwork to find mine, I was at the back of the pile the least important. He asked me if i took drugs, i told him straight that i smoked weed. He briefly explaned to me that i'd probably had a big panick attack and should stop smoking and go see my doctor.
After leaving the A&E I stood outside for a few minutes and thought about all that had happend, i really thought i was going to die, my gorlfriend was so scared! I explained to her that my mind was fucked and everything had lead upto this point. I felt so silly and embarrased. There and then i said I that was that and i'd stop smoking.

A few days I told my friends about what had happend, as usual they were smoking up, i thought a few tokes wont hurt and had a couple of puffs. It was a friday night and thought well it wont hurt. Like a high speed train hitting a wall, bam, i was feeling uneasy again and my head was full of those uncontrolable thoughts once more. That was my true epifany. Since the 19th of January 2009 I havent smoked anything, just over four months now! It has been so easy i havent craved or wanted or felt weak. Im arounf people who smoke evry day and my house is still filled with that sweet smell om mary jane.

This is my story, does it mean anything? I don't know you tell me?

My advice to you id to pursue other things in your life, fill your time with other things, cannabis should come last. A long time ago i was like similar to you, loved smoking, i thought it was great, like a box of magic tricks. Over time it became my life, it consumped me, it was in everything I did, eventually it turned on me, and it all came to a head. I always thought im better than those weridos that have paranoria and panic attacks. But the truth is it got me inthe end, none of us are imunme to the power of THC.
Get your life sorted and you wont need to smoke like you do, get your arse in gear, pull your socks up and get out in that big wide world, there is something with your name on it and believe me its not cannabis, your chasing fools gold if you think it is.
Your ok, you just need to realise that, if anything the bud s making you worse. People and places and pursuits are the answers to your troubles not the magic weed!

I just want to add, that I was reading this for some cartharsis, being a mind numbing cynic, but this post has really lifted my spirits.

I mean the fact that so many of you have responded to Vival, and with quite an array of answers is pretty fucking cool.

Thanks guys, even if you havent helped viv - which i hope you have, you've made my 2.24 am a bit brighter.

Good luck btw, for my 2 cents... if you are intelligent, which you seem to be have you not thought about uni? even if you haven't done all that well academically you can just go to a shitter uni, Manchester, Leeds, London, Liverpool and brum all have at least 2. From my experience it wasn't really the education - I know a load of people who didnt pass - it was jus the organised break from basically childhood. I went to leeds after 2 'gap years' - during which i basically sat around in my mums house arguing with her about me smoking weed and being lazy, I went with a weed habit and I left with one, but in the mean time I experienced a shit load of stuff and I got money to do it, I mean you can even make money at uni, if you are smart . And it is the life style you imagine, the life style that it sounds to me you could use, be in the same boat as other clever people your age, realising the shitness of modern life, but doing it on your terms.

sorry I guess i'm just rambling and i read you said education wasnt for you, and every one has adovcated work - which is cool to ( i know how dull that sounds - how can we giants be ment for trivial work!?!?!) but I would say put work off while you can, another beautiful thing about education is it gives you a sense of worth for doing fuck all, I hate it when you get the questions from your friends or family, or even just dicks from school about what are you doing? its shit to say 'oh nothing', as it feels like a loss, but at uni you say 'i'm at uni doing ... whatever' and people automatically accept it, yin fact hey sort of respect it, which is such a nice smug feeling. Your 20 now you could be anywere in the country in halls for free by september - doing whatever, and i mean that whatever - if weed and guitar really is your thing then im sure there are places that offer either botany or agriculure and music, in some combination.

Dont be put off mate if you would like help having a look down that road, ill be more than happy to answer any q's.

As you wish.
PS: Sativex, its not synthetic. Its a whole plant extract