For me anxiety doesnt sneak up on me like it used to. It cant because After 20 years of panic attacks Im a ninja master when it comes to squashing one.
However thats just the little waves, I cant stop the tsunamis that hit me once every six / seven years or so.
Its weird because the signs are always there...for example I started smoking again after beating it for years.
Then drinking more heavily, then the coke, its like my brain is desperately scratching around for confidence or solace.
Then bang! Im fully in it (18 months solid now of anxiety, paranoia and obsessive thoughts)
Im coming back out the other side now, I can feel myself relaxing more often and smiling alot more. A lot less angry too.
At least Im functioning, i have held down my job this time although Im pretty sure everyone I work with hates me as Ive been such a weird angry shit for so long.
The only thing that really upsets me is Ive done some awesome stuff in this time that I havent been able to enjoy because of it.
Oh well, hours cycle tonight, looking at outdoor grow spots round me and I feel at peace. Even if I dont grow this season (probably a bit late now)at least trying to find somewhere will keep me on my game.
Peace & Pot 420 xx
Women, weed and weather. What, what more can I say...well, welcome to LA.