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Marylou

A Sober Subject

24 posts in this topic
23 minutes ago, twigs said:

your giving yourself a tune up

 

Exactly what I tell myself all day every day...happily medicated...default_stoned.gif

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@stu914 dam straight! :yep:  

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Congrats on feeling well!

 

As long as it doesn't control your life in a bad way...have at it

to much of a good thing isn't a good thing and is how I look at it.

Grew up with alcohol all around me. Never thought Id stop..was normal I thought.............. but at 30 I stopped.

Smoking cigarettes was harder and only quit them as a result of heart surgery.... 

quit burnin pot only two years ago after 58 years..

..but I still eat lots ...

oh and forgot about the coke years:unsure:

everything else was experimental lol

 

 

Edited by gb1
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14 hours ago, Chairman O The Bored said:

Was I an alcoholic? I have no idea what level gives you that label

 

Yes mate you were definitely an alcoholic. 

 

Quote

I drank 3 bottles of wine and a couple of chasers... every night, for over 10 years, literally couldn't help myself

 

That pretty much says it all. I hope you don't think I'm having a pop, I'm really not but if someone does that and doesn't think they are an alcoholic then I don't know who is lol I thought I had problems!!! 

 

 

edit- Sorry I forgot to say congratulations to the OP. 15 months without drinking is amazing! 

Edited by KC
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17 hours ago, Marylou said:

I used to enjoy

Mate I can bearly read your black font colour.

 

 

mysticriver 

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6 hours ago, KC said:

 

Yes mate you were definitely an alcoholic. 

 

 

That pretty much says it all. I hope you don't think I'm having a pop, I'm really not but if someone does that and doesn't think they are an alcoholic then I don't know who is lol I thought I had problems!!! 

 

 

I maybe didn't phrase it well, it was more about the term alcoholic, and what constitutes that..... many people (in fact most, before they seek help) don't believe they have an issue, they "can stop any time they want" and see an alcoholic as someone who is a down and out and definitely not them if they hold down a job and fool themselves that they don't have a problem.

 

I think it's all been covered, but booze takes a hold of you and you know when it does, at that point you need help... whatever your consumption, weed doesn't come effect free, but it isnt chronically harmful like booze.

 

Believe me, i know i had issues and i was dependant on alcohol

 

 

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7 hours ago, mysticriver said:

Mate I can bearly read your black font colour.

 

 

mysticriver 

"highlight "...................it  ;)   right click select all :)

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Interesting that you post this @Marylou

 

 

This mirrors my situation pretty closely.  I'm on the back end of my mid 30s.  I drank, effectively, every day from 17-18 until I was 29. My average was about 12 beers a night from 6pm-11pm.  The weekends were a drink till you magically end up at home somehow sort of ordeal.  I've woke up in the driveway, passed out in the front seat, sleeping on a fast food bag.  No idea how I got home, but I know I drove. I've pissed myself.  I've pissed inside of friend's houses, not in the bathroom. I've puked in an empty cup driving down the road and reached over to the cupholder for my beer to wash the puke out of my mouth.  I've blacked out in a city 200 miles from home and woke up at home the next morning, knowing I drove.  I've jokingly ( but it's never a joke or funny when guns are involved)  pulled guns on friends in drunken idiocy.  I've slept-walk drunk and naked and made a fool of myself.  I've woken up with my face busted up from, i assume, drunk-sleep-walking and falling on my face over and over.

 

  I haven't had a drink in.. oh.. I don't know.  Something like 6-7 years.   In the time between getting off The Sauce and becoming a regular dope smoker, there was about 8-12 months of total sobriety (excluding nicotine.)

 

 

I'm addictive.  I actually stopped drinking because I found myself developing an interest and enjoyment for Cocaine when I was drunk.  I got smashed and shoved a gram of coke up my nose about 4-6 times before I woke up ( well..."woke up" infers sleep.  We all know coke-sleep ain't sleep) one morning, missing work, and wondered what THE FUCK I was doing.  I thought back, decided the booze was the catalyst for the Cocaine and that morning, June 12th, was the last time to present day that I woke up having consumed alcohol the night before.

 

 

I don't think about drinking anymore, I don't want it, because I know what will happen.   I have short bursts of wishing I was "normal."  I LOVE beer.  I made beer and liquor when I drank.  I really like getting fucked up, but I also really enjoy a well-crafted beer.  I wish I was a normal human that could drink two beers with dinner, for the enjoyment of the Brewer's Work, but I ain't.  If some is good, all of it is better.  That's me.

 

 

I accidentally touched a coke bottle to my lips someone had filled with whiskey a couple years ago.  It didn't hit my mouth, but it hit my lips.  I was SO DISAPPOINTED in myself the instant i smelled and tasted the booze on my lips.  

 

For me, the feeling of failure FAR exceeds any want to get drunk. FAR FAR FAR.  I would be so disappointed in myself for wasting 6-7 years of commitment that the thought of drinking a beer makes me feel ill.  I wish I was normal, but I don't want the sauce. 

 

 

Weed is absolutely psychologically addictive to the right type of person, but that doesn't mean much.  It's just as addictive as shopping, gambling, eating, nervous ticks etc. 

 

I work "on call" so I have one week a month where I'm obligated to work 24/7.   I don't smoke during this week.  It takes no effort at all for me to put down dope for a week.  It's easy and the added benefit is a tolerance break.  The first smoke after a week off clobbers my head in.  Pretty cool.  

 

Smoking weed makes me much less social, it's a "me" thing.  A switch off and recovery for my brain.  It's not a compulsion to me, though.  I don't have to.  

 

I had to booze.  Very rarely did an extenuating circumstance stop me from drinking.  Weed is very different.  If I have to be useful and capable of clear thought, I just don't get high. No problem. 

 

It's also created an immense interest in growing with intent for me, and that's good for my brain.  I need new subjects to dive into and absorb. I crave knowledge in most anything i find interesting.  So it's a useful thing to sit around obsessing over.  At the least, plants are plants.  If you can grow dope, you can grow food.  Bonus life skills are always worth learning, and food is certainly a life skill.

 

 

I know others that have eliminated booze and stuck to dope.  They're all better, more reliable people when they're off the sauce.  

 

 

Booze is the fucking devil for a great many people.  

 

 

Congrats on 15 months off the sauce.  Stick with it.  Everything is better without that shit.

Edited by Cajafiesta
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@Cajafiesta

 

Thanks so much for sharing your story and thoughts.  I don’t really know the etiquette, but, Congratulations! on your 6/7 years of sobriety! 

 

I’ve read there’s no such thing as an addictive personality.. but I disagree.. as I have one.. for sure!!  That’s why I asked the original question.  One thing I know for certain is that I don’t reach for cannabis as a coping mechanism, like I did with alcohol.    I like to eat a ‘brownie’, listen to Dreadzone and crack on with the housework (the only time housework is fun), have a bath or do yoga!     Result! 

 

As for drinking like a ‘normal’ person!  My husband is (was) a normal drinker. He quit 2 months after me.  For him, me quitting drinking was a massive relief.  The first being that he no longer had a drunk wife and all that comes with that. Secondly, he didn’t even like the taste of alcohol and it gave him migraines.    I think the difference between him and me and you, may be how we deal with pain and trauma.  It could be that it’s pot-luck who turns to alcohol to alleviate pain and who doesn’t.  That doesn’t mean someone like my husband is ‘normal’ or perfect, he will get super angry at an emotion or situation.  I just chose to drown in alcohol.  Both are equally destructive mentally and physically. 

 

I totally get what you mean about immersing yourself in the growing process.  My husband does that side of thing but I have really been interested in the cooking and medicinal side of the plant.  It’s really fascinating to learn about, and you’re right, it does keep your mind occupied and engaged. 

 

I think what’s working for me at present is occasional edible Sativa (to get the housework done haha) and obviously no alcohol.  I know enough now about how alcohol controlled my thoughts and actions, to know if my dabbling in cannabis is causing harm.   (On a scale of 1-10 it is zero btw).

   

 

 

Edited by Marylou
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