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Evelyn Pickaxe

Mystery of the missing hash episode #286

The mystery of the lost hash episode #286

Back story

I have a curse. I loose hash. I consistently loose up to half of whatever weight i start with. It all began many years ago. I had smuggled a nice lump of hash on holiday with me. I didn't want to go but I was making the effort for others. On the second day I dropped about 8 grams out of a window into a beech hedge. Needless to say I was gutted. In fact I developed a kind of post traumatic stress surrounding hash and the loss of it.

Every single time I have made bought or shared hash since . I have lost it. There are too many times to recall, but just recently for example I just made a dice sized lump and passed it to a friend to look at, she promptly dropped it on the workshop floor and it hasn't been seen since. She spent a good 45 mins looking for it. I told her I had to go and calm down. She thought I was mad, and probably a little bit offended I would even consider ptsd a result of loosing some hash out of a hotel window. In my defence , people being blown up in in a war zone  might be worse but I'm a massive pussy and its all relative.

Other reasons why I could loose my hash all the time

Inter Dimension Hash stealing aliens. - There is no proof that it is not them.

My own ineptitude - Highly likely but my sense of pride, in tatters that it is still puts this at the bottom of the list despite the fact there is a hole in my trouser pocket. (Id like think of that as a red herring.)


So it happens again...

This weekend I was tucking into a nice 2 and bit gram block (formally 4g) of home made cheese hash, very nice indeed. I was getting carried away and had simply left the hash out on the side like some sort of carefree normal non-cursed human. Drama ensued and a family member was potentially heading to A and E, because of the 4/5 hour wait I thought was coming, I may have picked up the hash and put it in a pocket with a hole in it, but I cant fully remember as I had already had a few joints of the hash and even though I was trying to recall events only a mere 45 minutes prior, the hash was so good it was futile. Usually it would go cellophane wrapper baccy pouch, pocket, in the heat of the moment I wasn't thinking clearly. ( nice to know in a family emergency my access to hash comes a little bit first)

Drama calmed and I thought to myself phew not going to A and E lets celebrate with a joint! Nope It was Gone. . I was back at that hotel window again ,shaking, couldn't think straight. No not again. No seriously wtf hash curse not now. Please not now. Took about an hour and a benzo to calm fully down.

As I said before I haven't ruled out inter dimensional hash stealing aliens. In which case there really is nothing I can do, except try and trap them with some more hash at a later date, confront them and give them a piece of my mind.

What I know so far. ( I've made a little incident room)

1) I found a cellophane wrapper I sometimes wrap the hash up with in my pocket with the hole in it. I have vague memories of preparing for an A and E visit but this could just have been a thought with no actions tied to it. I have no way of knowing it was far too long ago and the hash was banging.

2) I walked a particular path around house and garden. I didn't leave. If I had left the property I would just give up, but because I haven't the chances are it could still be here somewhere. The only bastard is I did walk over a flint pebble drive, you know the ones that are made up of hundreds of hash sized n shaped and coloured stones.

3) Its not inside. After conducting a DEA style search much to the amusement/anger of family members It pretty much has to be outside. (Vacuum cleaners have been checked)

How will I conduct my search.

Clearly this is more important than anything else so I've taken the day off work. I work for myself so it wasn't to cringe explaining although my sense of self worth took a bit more of a battering but that's what the fucking hash is for in the first place.

1) I will divide the pebble stone area up with string to make a grid and then label each one accordingly and then spend up to 5 mins on each square, will do this with the lawn too.

2) Enlist the help of my Labrador which lets face it could find this lump of hash in an instant (so long as it wasn't taken by aliens). He would however need the smell of hash to go on so I would have to make a 30 mile round trip to make more anyway. (He wont eat hash so I can rule him eating it out). If I've made more though the desire to the find the first bit would diminish slowly as I ingest more of the second so I really should do the grid thing first.

3) Dowsing rods, although not a proficient dowser and perhaps more on the side of the skeptic I do own two dowsing rods that have been pointing me to one spot over  near some bins. This is also the flint pebble area. Dowsing rods trolling me? They cud be in cahoots with the aliens. I did run this past my neighbour so see what she thought but she just went inside and closed her door. Rude cow.

 

So here I'm at the foothills of a mountain looking up, armed with a ball of string a head torch and a drug problem I'm off to find my hash. I will not be beaten this time. Wish me luck.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- to be continued --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 

See other titles in the series!

 

Hotel Nightmare (original)

Squidgey black fucked off whilst I ate.

Laden baccy pouch droppage vol 1 and 2

Dropping a quarter of leb somewhere in the new forest

Left an oz on a bus

Dropping pea-sized pieces in pub car parks - a collection of short stories.

 

:smokin:


 


 

 


 

 

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the pain is real 

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Do a u shaped search pattern over the drive and garden in a one foot grid, working from front to back of both. Might be worth dropping something else equally small and difficult to find in the area too - just in case you get anyone to offer their help on the drive that you don't want to know what your searching for. Note - do NOT use hash for this too :rofl: 

I hope you find it, I hate losing things and losing some smoke is the worst. Hopefully you'll find some more you didn't know you had lost whilst your looking! Good luck, and don't give up if you know where you have been!

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I found a button. It was small. you cant smoke it.  but it gave me hope

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What kind of button?

 

 

 

 

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I'm going with the hash stealing aliens, if you've rules everything else out then it usually means aliens :alien2:

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have you got a pet, a dog ? 

i once had a dog that whoofed anything ganja strait down the hatch, only to lie on her back all day drooling. lol 

cats have a crazy thing for eating herb too. 

i feel for you, as hash is like my precious. lol 

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I lost a lump of hash once, my mate found it on a path few hundred yards away about a week later, still smoked fine despite being trodden on/rode over and rained on for a week lol 

he reconed I planted it there for him to find as he didn’t beleave I’d lost it just didn’t want to share the original bit. 

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Look on the soles of your shoes, that's where I found mine, it had got squashed into the tread and  was still in the cling film lol 

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Jesus pixle face, Ive had letters from my bank with worse formatting than this. :yep:

 

I hear you though, too easy to loose hash, they should make it glo in the dark or something.

 

Im extra careful to put it where I know it will be, same place everytime, until its not there and I panic lol

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I still regret loosing a big lump of nice OO left on a bench at one of my smoking spots in amsterdam, realized that I'd left it behind half an hour later & hot footed it back to the spot but some lucky barsteward had found it, bugger.

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I once got followed by the police as a young man with a 1/16th of hash in cling film.

I dropped it in the gutter, they stopped and parked up staring at me.

I went back next morning and it was there.

My mates flat had hash eating carpet how much was dropped and lost over the years was phenomenal.

 

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That was great, @Evelyn Pickaxe. I enjoyed that story, thank you :D

 

I'm a nob with losing drugs, too, and I've also thought about the training of a drug dog but on the side of good. We used to look after dogs in a fostering way, through a charity, and I tried it in a vague sense; I'd get them to sniff if then give them a treat and some love.

 

Anyway, it never worked. I think you have to get them when they're young and impressionable, and stick with it longer than the time I had with them.

:smokin:

 

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Now I'm a bugger for finding hash. I found a quarter while out walking the dog. It was wrapped in clingfilm and looked shiny and silver, which is what made me notice it. I gave it to my next door neighbour who was very grateful.

I live near the canal and there's a small picnic area across the canal where kids meet up at night. I walked the dog there one morning and noticed they'd made a right mess. I started binning their rubbish and found 1/8 hash, a fiver, ten fags, two cans of Fosters and half bottle of vodka (unopened) !!

We had a shared flat and hash would go missing all the time. We often found it stuck to the underside of tea mugs or the teapot.

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Its till out there in the fookin garden. I like to think somewhere a family of rats got fuuuuucked up

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